367 lines
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367 lines
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<link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="episodes" href="http://tilde.town/~dozens/clericthief/episodes.xml">
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<link rel="alternate" type="application/rss+xml" title="journal" href="http://tilde.town/~dozens/clericthief/journal.xml">
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Cleric + Thief
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| <a href="index.html">Episodes</a>
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| <a href="journal.html">Journal</a>
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| <a href="about.html">About</a>
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<header id="title-block-header">
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<h1 class="title">00001. Cleric + Thief</h1>
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<p class="subtitle">Introducing Iofi and Maddox</p>
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</header>
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<p>Iofi knocks on the front door of the apartment while Maddox turns and
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faces the other way, inspecting the immaculate lawn and the empty
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tree-lined street.</p>
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<p>“Does the formality of it ever strike you as funny?” asks Maddox.
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They are short and fidgety, with a ruddy face, small squinting eyes, and
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short shaggy blonde hair.</p>
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<p>Iofi drags the fingers of one hand gently across the face of the
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door. Her other hand starts to reach instinctively for the satchel
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around her waist, but then the returns it to her side after all.
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“Funny?” she echoes quietly, almost to herself. She is tall, almost
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gaunt. Her long dark hair is pulled back into a low tight bun. She has
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slightly buck teeth and a slight overbite, and large dark eyes with
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hooded eyelids.</p>
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<p>“Knocking like that. Like you need permission.” Maddox continues
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quietly, their voice just above a whisper. “You don’t find it
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funny?”</p>
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<p>“It’s the right thing to do,” Iofi answers, turning her head slightly
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toward her partner.</p>
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<p>Maddox turns from the lawn, satisfied for now, and leans over the
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railing to peer in through the window.</p>
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<p>“The right thing to do,” they counter, “is whatever gets you what you
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need.” They squint, trying to make out the inside of the room through
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the thin curtains. “And right now, we need to find the merchant.”</p>
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<p>The door opens a crack just as Iofi raises her fist to knock a second
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time.</p>
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<p>Maddox quickly straightens up and tries not to look like they were
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just spying through the window.</p>
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<p>In the doorway is a small bald man with a thin, meticulous goatee and
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mustache. He stands in the small space between the door and its frame
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and peers out at them with large watery eyes and a gaping mouth like a
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goldfish.</p>
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<p>“Yes?” he greets them with a soft, high voice.</p>
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<p>“Hello,” Iofi smiles, revealing an impressive amount of teeth, her
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mouth giving a round shape to her vowels. “We’re looking for Mister
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Dedric Blackguard. Is he available?”</p>
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<p>Maddox clears their throat and tugs on their sleeves on the front
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porch. The small man glances at them briefly before flicking his eyes
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back to Iofi.</p>
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<p>“No, I’m afraid Mister Blackguard is not here at the moment.”</p>
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<p>Maddox asks, “Do you know when he will be back?” their voice a little
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raspy as they speak up to be heard.</p>
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<p>“I’m afraid not,” he answers in his childlike voice. There is a heavy
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thump and a scrape from somewhere behind the door. The doorman flinches
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and smiles nervously.</p>
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<p>Maddox narrows their eyes, and concern appears on Iofi’s face. “Is
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everything alright?” she asks. The doorman’s eyes flit quickly behind
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the door.</p>
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<p>“Yes! Yes, everything is quite alright. It, erm. It was just the
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cat!”</p>
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<p>“The cat,” echoes Iofi.</p>
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<p>“Look,” the doorman squeaks, “I really must be going. I really am
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busy. I’ll tell Mister Blackguard you were here. Miss?”</p>
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<p>“Iofi.” She gestures behind her, “and Maddox. From the office of the
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Governor.”</p>
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<p>The doorman meeps quietly again. “The governor? Oh, um. Yes, very
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good. I will let Mister Blackguard know. Now, as I said, I am very busy.
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Good day!”</p>
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<p>The small man closes the door in their faces. There is the sound of a
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key turning in a lock, and the sliding of a bolt.</p>
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<p>“Do you think he’s in trouble in there?” Maddox asks Iofi, their
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voice a little more melodious as it drops to its natural register just
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above a whisper.</p>
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<p>“If he is, it would be the right thing to do to help him, wouldn’t
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it?” Iofi answers dipping her hand into her satchel.</p>
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<p>“I’m more concerned about losing a lead than doing the right thing,
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but you know. Tell yourself what you need to hear.”</p>
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<p>Iofi places her free hand on the door and when she speaks next, she
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does so with two voices at once. “<span class="smallcaps">This door is
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unlocked</span>.” She lowers her hand to the door handle and turns it,
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and steps aside making room for Maddox at her side as she silently opens
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it a crack.</p>
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<p>Maddox peers into the empty foyer on the other side of the door.
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There is a staircase leading up to the second level, a hallway receding
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away from them toward the back of the house, and a large doorway on
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either side.</p>
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<p>A second Maddox walks briskly but silently in from the room on the
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right and looks expectantly at the two of them lurking in the doorway.
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The Maddox on the front porch nods at Iofi, who pushes the front door
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open wide enough for them both to fit through.</p>
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<p>Maddox tells the other Maddox, “Continue searching the downstairs. If
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everything’s clear, head back to the safe house and wait for us there.”
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Maddox nods, and silently continues through the doorway on the left into
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a dining room.</p>
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<p>Maddox turns back to Iofi and nods questioningly toward the stairs.
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They go first, a dagger suddenly in each hand. She pulls a glass rod out
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of her satchel, something between a large hammer and small club, and
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follows.</p>
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<p>At the top of the stairs is a hall with four rooms. Two to the left,
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one to the right, and one straight ahead.</p>
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<p>Muffled voices drift down the hall from the room at the far end of
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the hall.</p>
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<p>Maddox and Iofi creep forward. One of the voices is the high, soft,
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trembling voice of the doorman. The other voice is low, calm, and
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commanding.</p>
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<p>“I told you I don’t know where he is!”</p>
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<p>“And I told you that is not an acceptable answer.” Maddox frowns at
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the voice’s western accent and glances back and up at Iofi. She nods, a
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single line of concern creasing her brow. She heard it to.</p>
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<p>“He has something of ours,” the voice continues. “We need it
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back.”</p>
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<p>The doorman yelps and there is the sound of a brief scuffle, and a
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thump, and the doorman cries out in despair.</p>
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<p>Iofi leans over Maddox and places her hand on the door. “Ready?” They
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crouch and raise their daggers. “<span class="smallcaps">We’re already
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on the other side.</span>”</p>
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<p>In an instant, Maddox and Iofi find themselves on the other side of
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the door. Two thugs are holding the terrified doorman down in a chair.
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One is pressing his hand flat down on the table in front of him, fingers
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splayed. A third brute is standing before the doorman, a cleaver in his
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hand, raised over the doorman’s fingers.</p>
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<p>Maddox flings one dagger at the brute with the cleaver. It lodges in
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the meat of his shoulder and he howls. All eyes turn toward the door,
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which remains closed and locked.</p>
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<p>Iofi points her rod at the brute and says, “<span
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class="smallcaps">That’s not a cleaver, that’s an eel!</span>” The brute
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watches in amazement as the cleaver in his hand bends and warps and
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elongates and grows flesh and teeth. Teeth that the eel sink into the
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brute’s forearm.</p>
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<p>The brute cries out and throws the eel to the ground and stumbles
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back.</p>
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<p>The doorman scoots quickly away as the thugs release him and lunge
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toward Maddox, the first drawing a shortsword, and the second swinging
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an axe.</p>
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<p>Maddox parries the shortsword, but the axe slices them across the
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ribs. They cry out.</p>
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<p>“Maddox!” Iofi cries and brings her club down on the thug. It’s an
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awkward swing and glances off the thug’s arm, but it lands a
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substantially more solid blow than a frail glass rod ought to.</p>
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<p>Maddox dashes to the side and throws another dagger, striking up to
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the hilt in the brute’s chest. He clutches the blade and staggers to the
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floor.</p>
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<p>The thug with the shortsword hesitates and takes a step back. But the
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one with the axe charges forward and swings at Iofi. The blow is heavy
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and rattles her bones, but she deflects it and swings her club again,
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this time cracking the thug in the head. He stumbles.</p>
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<p>Maddox, having produced another dagger, lunges for thug with the axe,
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but the slash in his ribs is so painful that he is unable to strike a
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killing blow. Still, the axeman cries and stumbles.</p>
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<p>Seeing his opportunity, the swordsman darts forward and pierces
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Maddox clean through the shoulder. Maddox cries out, barely still
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standing.</p>
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<p>Iofi advances in a fury and the swordsman falls beneath a flurry of
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blows.</p>
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<p>Maddox collapses in her arms and she drags him over to the doorman,
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who is huddling wide-eyed in the corner.</p>
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<p>The thug with the axe staggers forward and raises the blade over his
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head as Maddox reaches out and weakly grabs the doorman by his lapel.
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Iofi looks up and makes eye contact with the axeman as he grunts and
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swings down on them. At the same time Maddox whispers, “Snap,” and the
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three of them blink out of existence.</p>
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<p>The axe buries itself in the floor, and the axeman looks around the
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room, empty except for him and his dead and dying comrades.</p>
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<hr />
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<p>They arrive in a heap on the floor in safe house. Other Maddox is
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standing over them. They look gravely concerned, but they don’t move
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forward to help them.</p>
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<p>“I saw,” they say softly. “I already called for help.”</p>
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<p>Iofi, still holding Maddox in her arms, looks up at the other Maddox.
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“Thank you,” she says.</p>
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<p>The doorman whimpers and tries to crawl away on all fours, and vomits
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on the ground.</p>
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<p>Maddox groans, doubled over in pain. From between gritted teeth they
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hiss, “Wait outside. Stand watch.”</p>
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<p>Other Maddox nods and silently exits the room.</p>
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<p>Maddox drags himself over to the doorman, the two of them both on the
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ground, and they shove him onto his back. From somewhere, they have
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produced another long bladed dagger. “Now,” they whisper, holding the
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tip near the doorman’s face. “Whatever it is you were about to tell
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those goons, you’re going to tell us instead. Where’s Blackguard?”</p>
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<p>Iofi, her gown covered in blood, stands up and walks over to Maddox
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and the whimpering doorman.</p>
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<p>She crouches down and reaches into her satchel and pulls out a turtle
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shell the size of her hand. It is jet black, with a bright orange dotted
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line around the edge. She places it on the ground next to the doorman,
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and watches it intently.</p>
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<p>The doorman glances from Maddox to it, as first one and then another
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head pokes out from the shell. One looks at the doorman curiously, and
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the other ignores him, looking as much in the opposite direction as is
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possible.</p>
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<p>“Yes,” Iofi nods and says to the doorman, eyes still on the turtle,
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“I suggest you tell them what they want to know. It would be the right
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thing to do.”</p>
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<p>EOF</p>
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