<p>You’ll probably be most interested in <ahref="#epistolary">jumping straight to the story</a></p>
<p>If you’re not on the mailing list and want to keep up with the story, you can <ahref="https://tilde.town/~dozens/quest/rss.xml">subscribe to the rss feed</a>.</p>
<p>They call me Corraidhín, and while my wisened age may seem an impediment to our expedition I assure you I make up for it with my sharp wit and intellect! By trade I am a scholar, master of the histories of this realm, and a dabbler in the arcane and mystic arts.</p>
<p>I believe my skills naturally lend themselves to this expedition. I’m certain you’ll need someone to elucidate upon the history of these artifacts, and should trouble come our way I’m ready at hand with spells a plenty. I’m not the best with a sword, but can hold my own with a bow staff, but it may be best to leave the fighting up to you younguns. If we encounter arcane ruins or cryptic texts you’ll find my skills just as useful as the finest blade in battle.</p>
<p>I think with my share of the reward I’ll buy more books. Lots and lots of books, a whole library of books! And then I’ll start a library, yes that sounds delightful. And maybe one of those books will have some information on ridding me of that accursed demon, but that’s another story entirely.</p>
<p>I am Glarg, an earth elemental who was conjured by a wizard who was immediately beheaded after summoning me. By some freak accident I was not sent back home to the earth elemental plane when the spell should have ended. While I have learned the common tonge in my time on this plane, I have not developed the ability to speak it, because I have no mouth. I’m a very gentle soul who is misunderstood because of my hard, cold exterior.</p>
<p>I’m pretty durable and good with rocks.</p>
<p>With my share of the money, I plan to hire a mage to send me home, or turn everyone else into earth elementals.</p>
<p>Inkulos Iridis greets you merrily! Some call me Inky the Tiny because of my slight size (perfectly average for imps, I assure you!) and a fondness for ink.</p>
<p>I may be small and nowhere as battle-hardened as knights in shining armour, but I can skip out of a monster’s grasp before you can say “scram!”, slip through the cracks (often unseen), scout for useful items, and brew all kinds of ink with special effects for discerning drinkers.</p>
<p>What do you plan to do with your cut of the money? Buy lots of ink ingredients, of course! With the money, the very first ink patio with the best paper nibbles will be opening to serve all from far and wide very soon!</p>
<p>A broad-chested, olive skinned human finishes a pint of ale with a long swig. He greets the group with a merry-looking smile, though it doesn’t seem to touch his eyes. He seems a touch distracted, as if something else is on his mind. A feeling of lingering sadness touches his aura.</p>
<p>“Greetings, my friends! My name is Jarrod. And this here …” he taps a heavy warhammer leaning against the back of his chair “… is Gertrude. When it comes to danger, consider us your shield. I will blunt what dangers may come from ahead and protect those who shelter behind. I’m more than good in a fight, specializing in up-close battles and …” he gives a small smirk “… alternative forms of negotiations.”</p>
<p>He leans over and places his elbows on the table, tenting his fingers and leaning in with his chin touching them as he continues. A thin leather cord adorned with small charms carved from bone is draped around his left wrist.</p>
<p>“Other than that, I’m willing to take on cooking chores and spin the occasional tale around a campfire. My cut of the money goes towards opening my own tavern when I retire.”</p>
<p>I’m “Sneaky” Willows (nobody knows my actual name), an elvish pickpocket with a love for sneakin’, stabbin’ and music playin’! Some people say I’m no good at music playin’, but then I go sneakin’ and stabbin’ em!</p>
<p>On this team I think I’m gonna be good at sneakin’ up to those crystals and grabbin’ em right from under the guard’s noses!</p>
<p>With my money I’m plannin’ to hire a bard to teach me more music, so I can really impress people with my playin’ and maybe not even have to stab them!</p>
<p>Who: Teefoon Filler of the Bucket, Knight of the 3rd order of Balmarlovemeer, Crester of the Golden-Fringed Ridge and 2nd to the Keeper of the Grimoire Glorious. You may call me “Tea.” (Tea is, notably, a giant. ~11ft tall).</p>
<p>What: Retired Cleric turned Archeologist.</p>
<p>Cash: A sturdy wagon and 5 head of oxen to pull it. I wish to travel further than my legs can take me.</p>
<p>We’re gonna play this by ear, and cross each bridge only when we get to it.</p>
<h3id="policies">Policies</h3>
<ul>
<li><p>Safety: Practice safe roleplaying.</p></li>
<li><p>Cadence: I’ll move the story along roughly once a week. Hopefully that gives everybody time to post something and participate.</p></li>
<li><p>Inclusion over realism: If you disappear for a while and then come back, your character will immediately reappear as though they’ve been there the whole time. Come and go as you please. Open door policy!</p></li>
<li><p>Linearity: Respond only to the most recent email in the thread. (We might play around with time later, but for now, let’s keep it simple.)</p></li>
<p>To do something, say that you do it, and then it probably happens!</p>
<p>If there is a risk, or chance of failure, we’ll roll dice to determine the outcome. We’ll use a variation of “Roll for Shoes” because it’s probably the most simple system there is. Everybody will start out pretty even skills wise. But you will eventually get really good at really specific things.</p>
<p>Everybody starts with one skill: <em>Do anything 1</em></p>
<p>So to attempt to <em>do anything</em>, roll 1d6.</p>
<ul>
<li>1 - 3: Things go poorly. Gain 1 xp.</li>
<li>4 - 5: Partial success / success at cost</li>
<li>6: Great success!</li>
</ul>
<p>If you roll all sixes, you gain a new +1 skill which must be a subset of the skill you just used.</p>
<p>Example:</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Player: I kick down the door. I’ll roll Do Anything (1) aaaand, that’s a six!”</p>
<p>Referee: You now have “Kicking Down Doors 2”</p>
<p>Later….</p>
<p>Player: I bust down the door with a flying kick! I’ll roll Kicking Down Doors 2 aaaand, two sixes!</p>
<p>Referee: You now have “Doorbane 3”</p>
<p>Player: Siiiick, doors fear me.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Every time you fail a roll, you gain 1 xp.</p>
<p>You can spend xp to turn any die into a six for the purpose of advancement.</p>
<p>“Congratulations!” The slightly tipsy hobbit grins and salutes you with his martini. “On Retrieval Team 43’s inaugural mission! I’m so excited for you, I’m sure you’ll do fantastic!”</p>
<p>You are all seated around a table in the corner at Lucy’s Basement. It is dimly lit and fairly noisy. The walls are covered in red velvet curtains, and the tablecloths have little gold tassels. A cloud of purple smoke from candles, cigars, and pipes hangs in the air. Waiters bustle between tables refilling drinks.</p>
<p>“So to recap, the Benefactor has tasked you with retrieving the five fabled Ginnarak Crystals. I, Blavin Blandfoot, will be your case manager. You will be paid handsomely for each crystal you retrieve. And if you retrieve all 5, you’ll get to meet the Benefactor at be their guest at their <em>glorious mansion!</em>”</p>
<p>“The first crystal has been spotted near a Gnomish dig site in the Tammineaux Forest, just east of here.”</p>
<p>“I recommend getting started right away!” He polishes off his drink and squints at his empty glass. “Well, maybe first thing in the morning. Waiter!”</p>
<ul>
<li>Who are you?</li>
<li>What role do you think you will fill on the team?</li>
<li>What do you plan to do with your cut of the money?</li>
<p>Blavin provides you with a multibeast for your excursion. “Courtesy of the Benefactor!” You pack it up with food and supplies, and trek into the Tammineaux Forest in search of the first Ginnarak Crystal.</p>
<p>The forest is lush, thick, and green. You have to hack your way through the vines and the brush. There are stinging insects, squawking birds, and dangerous forest creatures a plenty. It is hot and sticky.</p>
<p>How will you ever find your way through this wilderness to the dig site?</p>
<p>“Shouldn’t be too hard,” you remember Blavin saying back at Lucy’s, gesturing carelessly and sloshing a little bit of his fourth drink. “They’re gnomes, after all! Just follow the sound of explosions and screaming.”</p>
<p>Sure enough, before long you hear a mechanical droning and some blasting up ahead, punctuated now and then by high pitched screams, and you guide the multibeast in that direction.</p>
<p>Suddenly you are ambushed by a troop of blahoblins! Awful looking things. Taut rubbery gray skin. Long flat noses stick out way far from their faces. And so do their protruding, lipless mouths full of sharp pointy teeth. You didn’t hear them over the noise of the shrieking parrots and, in the distance, the shrieking gnomes.</p>
<p>“SHOE SHINE!!” the first one yells. It is wearing a gold ring on each finger (minus the three fingers it is missing), two in each ear, and one in its nose. It is dragging a vat of black polish nearly as tall as it is.</p>
<p>“SHOE SHINE!!” a second one agrees. It is wearing a nice waistcoat with large gaudy buttons, and a nice looking pocket watch on a gold chain. It is dragging a comfy looking chair stuffed with bits of fluff and leaves and fur.</p>
<p>A third one screams, “SHOE SHINE SHOE SHINE!” It has several gold teeth and carries a huge block of cheese secured to its back with long loops of hempen rope.</p>
<p>The fourth and final one is wearing what looks like freshly painted red shoes and is carrying a lit torch. “SHOE SHIIIIINE!” it screams. It is wearing a gold medallion on a gold necklace.</p>
<p>“SHOE SHINE!” Bellows Tea, with a full bodied laugh!</p>
<p>With a well practiced move, faster than one would think giant like Tea could move, Tea removes an object from their satchel.</p>
<p>…at first glance it appears to be a flail without a handle, but is actually a spare pair of giant boots, held by their laces.</p>
<p>“These could indeed use a good shining.”</p>
<p>The boot are spectacularly large, probably a 1/2 size too large, in all honest, for even Tea’s feet.</p>
<p>The boots have gold eyelets.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Earrings greedily snatches the boots and start washing, drying, and polishing them to a shine. Waistcoat eagerly tugs on Tea’s wrist and guides him to the comfy chair, which is decidedly too small for his bulky frame. Teeth graciously offers him a wedge of cheese.</p>
<p>Depending on how observant Tea is, he may or may not notice that the boots are returned to him with 1 - 3 fewer eyelets.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Bending down, Inky sniffs the bottles carefully, mumbling, “Creosote, shellac, hopweed … ou, wild cherry liquorice.” Then, a little louder to one of the blahoblins, though it came out not much more than a squeak, “Might I ask from where did you get these?”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>“Shoe Polish! We Make! Roots and ash!” shouts Waistcoat. They seem to only have the one volume.</p>
<p>Basically, everybody currently has the skill “Do Anything 1”, which means if you want to ‘do anything’, you can roll 1 die.</p>
<p>On a 1 - 3, things go poorly. (And you gain 1 experience point. More on that in a bit.)</p>
<p>On a 4 - 5, you do the thing, but at a cost, or with a complication, or it’s just a partial success.</p>
<p>On a 6, full success!! Yay, you!!</p>
<p>(When rolling multiple dice, you read the single highest roll.)</p>
<p>Here’s where stuff gets fun. If you roll all sixes (so, 1 six on a 1d6 roll, 2 sixes on a 2d6 roll, etc.) then you ‘level up’ and get a new skill. The new skill A) is a subset of the skill/action you just performed and, B) increases that skill by one.</p>
<p>e.g.I challenge a mugwump to a pie eating contest and roll Do Anything 1. I roll a six, so I win the contest! And also I gain a new skill, Belly Of Steel 2.</p>
<p>Finally, every time you fail a roll (by rolling 1 - 3) you gain 1 experience point. You can spend 1 experience at any time to turn any one die into a six <em>for the purposes of advancement</em>.</p>
<p>SO WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN???</p>
<p>When you interact with the blahoblins, consider whether there is an element of risk. If so, roll the appropriate amount of dice (1, in this case) and include the result in your description. If it’s a success, describe the success. If it’s a partial success or a failure, just describe what you do, and I’ll describe the complication, or how things get worse.</p>
<p>“And jolly good polish too, it looks like,” Inky replies, squinting a bit at the ichor being smeared onto the boots in Earrings’ large calloused hands. “I hear there be some gnomes hereabouts? A camp? With your remarkable service, I bet they’d be coming to you all the time to get their boots cleaned.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>“GNOMES!?” Earrings interrobangs loudly and questioningly. It brings its hands to the sides of its face, covering its ear holes, and wags its oversized head in dismay, squeezing its tiny eyes shut. In the process, it smears polish around its face.</p>
<p>“Gnomes there!” shouts Waistcoat. Its hands busy polishing, it tosses its head, gesturing with its prodigious proboscis in the direction you were heading. You continue to hear bangs and booms in the distance every once a while.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Glarg gurgles something to the effect of “gluggurguuuurglaaaachhhh?” Its stance is one of surprise as its disposition changes to that of inquisition as its head cranes down to look at the blahoblin carrying the smelly rock on its back.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Teeth looks questioningly up at Glarg and experimentally gargles back up at it. “GURGLE BURBLE GLUG GLUG?” It smiles apologetically (a fearsome sight, its protruding jaws full of tiny pointy teeth) and shrugs and asks, “Shoe shine?”</p>
<blockquote>
<p>It attempts to pick that whole blahoblin up and bring the smelly rock to its face for a closer inspection.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>“WAAAAAAH!” Teeth kicks its feet ineffectively and is quite helplessly tied to the big smelly rock when Glarg picks it up. The smelly rock smells pungent, sharp, earthy, moldy. Definitely could be food.</p>
<p>By this time the blahoblins have polished the shoes of everybody who has consented to it, and are packing up. Except for Teeth who is being detained by the earth elemental.</p>
<p>Red Shoes reappears from wherever they have been this whole time with a sly smile and rejoins its comrades.</p>
<p>Your pockets have successfully been picked while you were distracted with the shoe shine, but not of anything of particular value.</p>
<p>What small item(s) will you notice is missing in the hours and days to come? How will its absence be a minor inconvenience?</p>
<p>As the blahoblins were packing up, Inky persuades Waistcoat to sell a few small bottles of shoe polish, a roughly round piece of broken glass and scraps of cheesecloth from the mountain of debris previously on the ground. Inky rolls Do Anything 1 and rolls a 4.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Inky successfully persuades Waistcoat to sell a few baubles and trinkets with the first roll of the game!</p>
<p>They haggle back and forth a little bit, and Inky ends up paying a little more than they wanted to, but they get all the stuff they wanted. Yay commerce!</p>
<p>Having concluded business, the blahoblins pack up and disappear into the bushes toting their chair, cheese, and vat of polish.</p>
<p>The sound of mechanical droning and periodic explosions compel you forward to the dig site.</p>
<p>It is easy to find.</p>
<p>It is a large hole blasted deep into the ground. There are drills, and conveyor belts, earth moving machines, and all kinds of gadgets and gizmos, the purpose of which is not always readily apparent. And there is a zip line that seems to be the only way down to the bottom.</p>
<p>The site is absolutely teeming with gnomes. Diminutive humanoids with bright red noses and long, long ears, and long, nimble fingers. All gnomes are compulsive tinkerers and mechanics, and build fantastic contraptions. All gnomes are women, and are all highly explosive. Which makes their combustion powered machines extremely dangerous, both for themselves and for any unfortunate bystanders close enough to get caught in the blast.</p>
<p>A gnome in a white hat comes running up to you. “You there! Hey! Yes, you!”</p>
<p>“Are you the retrieval team? We’ve been expecting you! The whole dig is halted because we accidentally blasted into a whole nest of Kobits, and they won’t let us get near to keep digging! They keep sabotaging our machines when we try!”</p>
<p>“They also stole the Ginnarak Crystal that we found! That thing could have powered such glorious new machines!” She pouts.</p>
<p>In the background, a gnome who had crawled half way into a coal bin in the side of some kind of excavator suddenly scrambles quickly out, smoking, and runs around in circles in a panic. Nearby gnomes dive out of the way as she erupts in a small ball of fire. The gnomes wait for the smoke to clear and then immediately return to working on the contraption.</p>
<p>The foreman continues talking to you as though nothing happened. She leads you over to the edge of the hole and points to the bottom.</p>
<p>“The entrance to their cave is right down there! The zip line is the second fastest way down.”</p>
<p>Suddenly three anthropomorphic gophers come crashing through the trees behind you into the dig site. The first is wearing a sash of many pockets. The second is wearing cargo shorts of many pockets. The third is wearing a vest of many pockets. Each wears a pair of goggles with thick smokey black lenses, and a floppy checkered hat that looks like a waffle.</p>
<p>They march up to the zip-line.</p>
<p>“Out of the way, losers!” Sash cries. It grabs the zip-line trolley, and immediately dives off the side of the cliff and zooms down into the deep, deep hole.</p>
<p>Vest introduces itself, “Retrieval Team 70 here! We are here to recover the Ginnarak Crystal that is reported to be at this location. After we collect all five, then it will be <em>us</em> who get to hang out in the Benefactor’s hot tub! Not you! Ha!”</p>
<p>Sash has reached the bottom of the deep, deep hole. Shorts starts reeling in the pulley.</p>
<p>Vest leans in close and peers at you through its foggy lenses. “You must be the new Retrieval Team 43. Hmmph. Shame what happened to the previous Team 43. Hope you know what you’re doing! Would hate to see you end up like them!”</p>
<p>Shorts grabs the trolley and leaps down into the deep, deep hole. It sails all the way down, and joins Sash at the bottom.</p>
<p>“Welp!” Vest concludes with an air of finality. “No hard feelings, and all that! After we collect this crystal, we just need four more. And then we get to meet the Benefactor! Ha!”</p>
<p>It waddles off and starts reeling in the trolley.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, another gnome explodes behind you.</p>
<p>Inky peers down at the hole, and after some time, turns to the party. “Do you think they’ve cleared most of the gnomes by now, or should we wait until they emerge and grab the crystal then?” Gazing at some invisible spot farther among the trees, Inky continued, “One of the old miners back at the tavern said there used to be a natural maw on the southwestern side, but it was blocked when the tunnel caved in many years ago. The gnomes don’t waste their efforts on blowing up things knowing someone’s already been through them. Chances are there’s only one exit, unless this mine is a decoy.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Inky peers down the hole and watches Retrieval Team 70 approach the kobit caves.</p>
<p>The maw on the southwestern side did indeed collapse several seasons ago. If you know anything about the industrial and intrepid kobits however, it is that they have probably dug several alternative, secret entrances since then.</p>
<p>Just as the gophers reach the cave entrance, a large erge, muscles rippling beneath its white feathers, emerges from behind a boulder and blocks their way forward.</p>
<p>It raises the feathery crest on the crown of its head, and fluffs up its plumage in a dramatic display. It appears to be arguing with the gophers. All three gophers appear to be arguing back.</p>
<p>The egre gestures angrily at the gophers’ feet, shakes its head, and crosses its arms defiantly. The gophers look down at their own feet and shuffle about as though embarrassed.</p>
<p>They all exchange a few more words and then the gophers retreat away from the egre and the cave entrance. They huddle together briefly and then start slowly climbing the scaffolding back up to the top of the hole.</p>
<p>“Oh yeah,” the foreman remarks absentmindedly. “There’s an egre guarding the kobit caves.”</p>
<p>The egre below preens and struts about proudly having chased off the gophers.</p>
<p>“Stubborn things,” the foreman continues. “Easily provoked to violence. Impeccable fashion sense though.”</p>
<p>Inky blinks down at their pinecrab apple leather boots consideringly. “Tea’s got the fanciest footgear, but at least we aren’t sporting fetid foot fungi like stockings. Maybe we could persuade the egre to let us through? It might set us back half a day trying to find any kobit holes that aren’t just non-portable potties.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>You look down at your boots. How serendipitous that you just had them shined by the blahoblins! You feel confident in your footwear.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Corraidhín: I may have a solution to the Egre problem. I gesture grandly, as it so happens I always come prepared for a fashion show.</p>
<p>With a grand gesture I cast a spell to transform my robes into a stunning suit, complete with top hat, monocle, and cane</p>
<p>I’m certain we can convince the fine fellow to let us pass if we look the part. Or better yet, I’m almost certain I can distract him while the rest of you sneak past, I’ve been told I can be quite verbose and boisterous.</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Corraidhín successfully conjures up a stunning suit, surely the envy of every dandy, fop, and gentleman in the southern continent, if not all of Basmentaria!</p>
<p>A nearby gnome gets flush, starts to fan herself excitedly, and then explodes dramatically.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>“A splendid idea, with an equally splendid outfit to match!” Inky exclaimed. “Then, shall we proceed? Master Corraidhín, at your signal.”</p>
</blockquote>
<p>You proceed down into the gnome hole.</p>
<p>Retrieval Team 70 glares at you from behind their smoked glass goggles as you zip line past them. They continue their slow, defeated climb up the scaffolding. Vest shakes its gopher fist at you and swears, “You haven’t seen the last of us, Retrieval Team 43!”</p>
<p>At the bottom, on solid ground, you approach the entrance to the kobit caves.</p>
<p>Standing guard at the entrance to the kobit tunnels is a massive egre, a fearsome bird beast, muscles rippling and bulging beneath its beautiful white plumage. It turns its head and regards you with one jet black eye and then the other, snapping its sharp beak in the air as it tosses its head back and forth.</p>
<p>It looks you up and down, and its gaze rests on your freshly polished shoes. It huffs and grunts, “Your shoes look clean.” It rests its scrutinizing gaze on Corraidhín’s garments. “And YOU look FABULOUS!” it exclaims as it tosses its head and beats it wings excitedly.</p>
<p>“You may enter.” It graciously steps aside with a flourish.</p>
<p>Kobits are small, vaguely mammalian, vaguely reptilian bipedal cave creatures. They are scaly and furry, and live in tunnels deep in the earth. They have huge yellow eyes, and long fine whiskers on their snouts and faces, all of which help them find their way around in the dark. They also have long, thick, coarse, drooping mustaches. The overall effect is that they look like tiny, monstrous, perpetually startled cowboys.</p>
<p>You follow the winding tunnel down into the earth.</p>
<p>You come around a corner and almost bump right into a kobit. It has eyes like saucers and an awe-inspiring mustache. It wears a name tag (“Corey”) and carries a clipboard. It blinks at you in surprise and then asks, “Who are you? What are you doing in here?” Corey flips through the pages on its clipboard. “There are no upsiders scheduled to arrive today. I don’t think you’re supposed to be here!” Corey glances around nervously with its huge eyes and looks about ready to cry out for help.</p>
<p>Blavin is a secret agent, working for the Golden Iris, a secret society that wants to ‘create balance’ by seating a fourth god</p>
<p>Nullar got tired of being a god and wanted to die, and Neddas agreed to help him. Shit went bad and turned Liandt to stone, and Nullar’s leg to stone.</p>
<p>Now Nullar is trying to gather the Ginnarak crystals to assemble the <em>God Slayer</em> to attempt once more to end his own life.</p>
