Add depressive episode readme

.envrc

@@ -0,0 +1 @@
+use nix

content/post/2023-01-06-README-depressive-episode.md

@@ -0,0 +1,106 @@
+---
+
+layout:     post
+title:      "README: depressive episode"
+slug:       "readme-depressive-episode"
+date:       2023-01-06 10:15:09
+categories: [personal]
+
+
+---
+
+Hello, and welcome. If you've been handed this README, then you're likely
+interacting with me while I'm experiencing a depressive episode. I've written
+this README on some ways you can help (if you're so inclined) and some best
+practices for interacting with me.
+
+## About (my) depression
+
+I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder (MAD) with a generalized
+anxiety disorder (GAD) component. I'm under the care of doctors and counsellors
+who are aware of the diagnosis and prescript appropriate medicines and
+therapies. Despite this, I still have regular depressive episodes. These
+episodes can have obvious triggers, but often they don't. They generally occur
+about once every three months and last one to four weeks.
+
+During an episode, I experience:
+
+- lack of energy
+- difficulty concentrating
+- difficulty talking and articulating points
+- cognitive blunting (also called brain fog)
+- anxiety symptoms
+- an impending sense of doom
+
+When I was younger and untreated these symptoms were worse and were sometimes
+coupled with suicidal ideation. Thanks to treatment, this is extremely rare
+today, and when I'm feeling this way, I will tell someone.
+
+## How you can help
+
+Of course, my mental health is not your responsibility. This guide assumes
+you're a friend, co-worker, manager, or family member who is likely to interact
+with me during this episode. These are suggestions and requests, not
+requirements. The most important thing I can ask, is **be kind, gentle, and
+understanding**.
+
+### if you're a coworker or manager
+
+I'm generally going to be less productive when I'm depressed. I may call of
+work (sometimes explicitly for mental health, other times as a general "not
+feeling well.") I'll likely be less engaged in meetings and may have my camera
+off in video meetings. I may request to reschedule 1:1s. I'll be less likely to
+volunteer to facilitate a meeting. I may appear less engaged or more
+distracted. I'll likely be slower to respond in chat or email.
+
+The best things you can do are:
+
+- check in and ask me how I'm doing
+- ask about how my current project is going (often this helps dispel some of
+  the fear and doubts that build up during an episode)
+- provide encouragement or positive feedback where appropriate
+- postpone non-urgent constructive feedback until the episode has passed
+- share this manual with other people who have noticed something is "off" about
+  me
+
+#### on absenteeism
+
+In _very rare_ circumstances, I will be AWOL (away without leave) from work. If
+that's the case, especially if you're my manager: first, I sincerely apologize,
+second, you're welcome to call me and confirm what's going on. Calling is
+better than e-mail in this case, as I'm likely not checking my e-mail. When I
+return to work, I will talk to my manager and confirm what happened, back date
+any requests for sick/personal days, and accept any disciplinary action.
+
+### if you're a friend or family member
+
+When I'm depressed, I'm more likely to temporarily "ghost" people (i.e. not
+respond to their texts/e-mails). Please try not to take this personally, this
+is a fear response. I often _will_ respond eventually, and regardless _do_ want
+to hear from you. You're welcome to resend your message. I won't take this as
+being pushy or clingy, but rather as an act of compassion to try to reach out
+while I'm not feeling well.
+
+I may missed scheduled appointments/dates/etc. I'll do my best to cancel as far
+in advance as possible, and I likely _do_ want to reschedule when I'm feeling
+better.
+
+Some things I find helpful from friends during an episode:
+
+- casual phone calls. I'm less likely to check my texts/e-mail during an
+  episode; you're welcome to call spontaneously
+- invitations to low-stakes outings (e.g. walks, casual lunch, mani-pedi)
+- words of affirmation
+
+## Conclusion
+
+Thank you for taking the time to read this README. If you have any questions,
+you're welcome to ask. Mental health disorders, their causes and symptoms, are
+an ongoing field of study. Items I've listed in this manual as helpful to me,
+may be harmful to other people with depression. If you have friends or family
+members who are struggling with depression, talk to them about how you can be
+most helpful.
+
+**If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide, there is hope, and you do not
+have to go through this alone. You can find a hotline to call in your country
+at https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/.**

shell.nix

@@ -0,0 +1,9 @@
+{ pkgs ? import <nixpkgs> {} }:
+
+with pkgs;
+
+mkShell {
+  buildInputs = [
+    hugo
+  ];
+}