354 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
354 lines
15 KiB
Plaintext
SESSION #22 - COWBOY FUNK
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Written By Keiko Nobumoto
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Dialogue Translation By Bandai Entertainment, INC.
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Transcript By RFBlues
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---------------------------------------------------------------------------
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OPENING CREDITS
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A shopping center. A serial bomber by the name of Teddy Bomber (TB) sets up
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a teddy bear bomb at the middle section of the two buildings.
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He laughs out loud on an escalator. From behind, Spike puts the bear on his
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shoulder.
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SPIKE: You forgot something.
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TB: A-As you can see, I'm just some old man. Unfortunately, I don't have
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any children, either...
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SPIKE: I never said it was yours.
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TB: Oh, was it a customer's? I will hold it, then -
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TB reaches for it. Spike puts the bear on the hand rest of opposite
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escalator.
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SPIKE: How about it? Wanna go somewhere?
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SPIKE: It's a little to early to go to bed...
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TB: I'm an early riser... I sleep early.
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SPIKE: If you want a prim and proper life, I have just the place for you. A
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hotel where you get three meals and a bodyguard, all for free.
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TB: I'm sure that's impossible without a reservation.
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Spike smiles.
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SPIKE: I'm talking about Hotel PRISON, Teddy Bomber.
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TB: I'd rather not, Spike Spiegel.
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SPIKE: Oh, you know me?
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TB: It's a popular story among criminals that we never want to be caught by
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you, or by Andy.
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SPIKE: Andy?
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TB: I will fulfill my objective!
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TB ducks in a corner and pushes the button. Nothing happens.
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SPIKE: It won't blow up. I took out the ignition pin.
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Spike gives him a beating.
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SPIKE: Three million Woolongs, graciously accepted.
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TB: That's not the only bear.
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TB rolls up his sleeve to reveal several more detonators.
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SPIKE: You'll die, too.
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TB: I love them to death.
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SPIKE: Why do you want to blow stuff up so much?
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TB: Ya wanna know? I am giving a warning. I am ringing a bell of warning!
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All right, be mindful of what I say!
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Whistling. Suddenly a horse and a rider crash through the glass window. It
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is a man dressed in the guise of an old-fashioned cowboy, Andy.
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TB: Andy!
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SPIKE: Andy?
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ANDY: Call me Wyatt Earp.
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Andy points a pistol at Spike.
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ANDY: YOU! Teddy Bomber, serial bomber!
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SPIKE: ME?!
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ANDY: The fact that you'd plant a bomb here today was easy for ME to figure
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out after calculating YOUR criminal cycles.
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SPIKE: You don't think that's him?
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ANDY: He's a security guard!
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SPIKE: Just look at his face!
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ANDY: In this day and age, a face means nothing.
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SPIKE: Then what is the basis of your theory?!
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ANDY: That is... my gut instinct. Yes, INSPIRATION!
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TB escapes. Spike chases after him.
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SPIKE: Hey, wait!
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ANDY: WAIT!
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Andy lassos Spike by the neck and Spike falls flat on the floor. Outside,
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TB detonates a bear bomb. The middle section collapses.
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ANDY: OH, SHIT!
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SPIKE: That's why I said Teddy Bomber was THAT guy, you idiot!
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ANDY: DANGEROUS!
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Andy rides outside, trampling Spike.
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ANDY: That was a close one. Giddy up!
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Andy rides away.
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Session #22
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COWBOY FUNK
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The Bebop living room.
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JET: A horse?
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SPIKE: Yeah, a horse.
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FAYE: A horse, huh...? I thought something was fishy when you said you
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would nab that guy as part of your foraging trip.
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SPIKE: What do you mean by that?
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FAYE: You used up the food money for all four of us, didn't you?
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SPIKE: Oh, come on...
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FAYE: What did you use it on?
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SPIKE: If you think I'm lying, explain THIS on my back!
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Spike points to hoof marks on his back.
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JET: All right, I hear ya. The horse I can believe.
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FAYE: You can?
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JET: But you have to be more creative than a cowboy in a cowboy outfit.
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FAYE: Is that the problem?
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JET: Now if he was dressed like a samurai -
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FAYE: - that would be more plausible.
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Jet and Faye laugh. Ed finds data on Andy from the internet.
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ED: Here he is, little Andy! Little Andy is a guy in the YMCA!
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SPIKE: A Christian?
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ED: Nope. Young Men's Cowboy Association!
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FAYE: Oh? Such a thing exists?
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ED: But he got kicked out soon after joining.
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JET: The reason?
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ED: Because he caused others trouble!
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SPIKE: Of course!
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JET: Andy von de Oniyate, the noble son of Oniyate Ranch.
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FAYE: Hey, he's pretty cute.
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ED: 123 cases of property damage. 89 cases of destruction of public
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property. Many, many people injured.
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FAYE: A good match for SOMEONE we know.
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SPIKE: I told you he existed!
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JET: All right, I hear ya.
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A masquerade at the top floor of a tall skyscraper. Spike wears an ornate
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mask. Jet is dressed as a hippie. Faye is in a full gown.
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SPIKE: Any reactions?
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JET: None yet. However, we can't let it explode with all these people
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around.
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SPIKE: His only target is the building. He's not one for murder.
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JET: You think we can trust him?
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SPIKE: Guys like him are often concerned with their sense of style.
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JET: Well, this is the perfect party to hide yourself...
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Faye flirts with a waiter.
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FAYE: Did you know that a serial bomber is gonna come here?
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WAITER: To tell the truth, I didn't know.
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FAYE: Well, he's coming.
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Jet spots TB in a teddy bear suit.
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JET: Hey! The world is about LOVE AND PEACE!
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SPIKE: Yo.
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TB: H-How did you know it was me?
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JET: This lead the way to its papa.
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SPIKE: I think I woulda known in either case.
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TB: You guys just don't quit, do you?
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SPIKE: Speak for yourself.
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JET: Why do you want to blow things up so much?
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TB: Ya wanna know? I am giving out a warning. Listen, in this world the
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root of all evil -
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TB is interrupted by whistling. On a horse, Andy enters from an elevator.
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FAYE: A horse...
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JET: A cowboy...
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Andy points a pistol at Jet.
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ANDY: HEY, YOU! Teddy Bomber!
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JET: M-Me!?
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SPIKE: See, I told you.
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Andy points another pistol at Spike.
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ANDY: Or is it you over there?
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SPIKE: Do you have NO memory? We met just yesterday!
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ANDY: I have no recollection.
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SPIKE: YOU!
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HOST: Um, sir, your horse is an inconvenience. It's proving rather
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troublesome for our other guests...
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ANDY: OH! MY beloved steed Onyx is no ordinary horse! At times, she sets my
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troubled mind at ease; at others she is my chess partner.
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SPIKE: Like horses play chess!
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JET: It doesn't matter either way...
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TB in enraged.
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TB: I detest... being ignored!
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He detonates the bombs and rushes into an elevator.
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Spike takes to the emergency staircase.
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SPIKE: What happened to his sense of style?!
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Everyone rushes into elevators. Jet is caught in the crowd.
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JET: Calm down! I'm telling you to calm down! Love and peace, man!
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Faye and Andy on his horse ride down in an elevator.
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FAYE: Such a lovely horse.
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ANDY: Do you like her?
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FAYE: Would you like to be my escort?
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ANDY: Now, get behind me.
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TB drives off from the garage. Andy chases after him on his horse. In
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Swordfish, Spike fires at Andy. Andy shoots a rocket at Swordfish.
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SPIKE: You little...!
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Spike returns fire. TB crashes into a pole. He spots Andy riding toward him
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a trembles with fear. Andy completely ignore him and rides off after Spike.
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Andy and Spike continue to return fire.
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EYECATCH
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Andy's floating home at a harbor on Mars. Faye sits in a gaudy cowboy-
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themed room.
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FAYE: In my life, I've never seen such a tasteless room.
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Andy enters from the kitchen with two bowls of chunky soup.
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ANDY: Now, I present you with my special "SON-OF-A-GUN STEW." I'm sure
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you'll find it extremely delicious.
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Faye forces laughter. She tries a spoonful of the soup and gags.
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FAYE: Um... So why are you a bounty hunter? If you're so rich, uh, I mean
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if you have so much comfort in your life...
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ANDY: Why, Let's see... BECAUSE it suits me. That feeling a cowboy gets
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when he corners a bull.
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Andy laughs heartily. Faye forces laughter.
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FAYE: Oh... but you don't have to go after such a dangerous bounty, do you?
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Back on the Bebop.
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JET: I know why nobody wants to go after Teddy Bomber. Nobody wants to get
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a piece of the explosion!
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SPIKE: You think we can worry about that?
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Andy's abode.
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ANDY: Yes! I don't worry about things like that! Once I set my mind on
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something, I can see NOTHING else!
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FAYE: I think I've seen this personality somewhere before...
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Andy looks up.
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FAYE: Oh, nothing...
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ANDY: Now!
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Andy raises a glass. Faye follows suit. Andy looks into Faye's eyes.
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ANDY: Here's lookin' at my reflection, kid.
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FAYE: Cheers...
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The Bebop. Faye returns with a bag full of canned "SON-OF-A-GUN STEW."
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FAYE: Hi, I got a souvenir.
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ED: Yippie! A souvenir! A souvenir!
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SPIKE: I ain't gonna eat THAT!
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JET: Guess this is for dinner...
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SPIKE: I will NOT eat that!
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Ein barks.
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SPIKE: Your stomach will suffer.
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JET: But what about him makes you so hotheaded?
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FAYE: They're too similar. You know how similar people hate each other.
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SPIKE: What part of me is similar to that shit-headed idiot?!
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JET: The part that makes you damn troublesome.
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FAYE: Oh, Big Shot has already started.
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Faye turns on the monitor.
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PUNCH: Well, the last thing we have to tell you is info about TB, Teddy
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Bomber.
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JUDY: Can you believe it? We got a message from him, just for this show!
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Judy pulls out a long roll of paper.
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PUNCH: What? Is that for real?
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She reads the letter.
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JUDY: Um, let's see... "Warning. This is for those who have made fun of me.
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My next job is your last chance. This time, I'll blow YOU up as well,
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like fireworks."
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PUNCH: My, my, he doesn't sound calm.
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JUDY: "That is, if you know where I will set up next. Heh, heh, heh. And
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lastly, I will tell you my true intent - "
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PUNCH: Whoops! Looks like time is up for us. That's all for today.
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The closing credits roll.
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JUDY: I'm sorry I couldn't read all of it, TB.
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PUNCH: Well, until next time...
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JUDY: Good luck!
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ED: The next one's in City Hall...
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JET: You figured it out already?
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ED: TB is blowing up tall buildings starting with the tallest one...
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FAYE: The reason was THAT simple?
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JET: What are you gonna do? I'm getting outta this one!
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FAYE: I'm gonna pass, too. Spike, what are you going to do?
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SPIKE: Like you have to ask?
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Outside City Hall.
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TB: LATE! Dammit! If they think they can get away with this, they are
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sorely mistaken -
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Spike arrives.
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SPIKE: You alone?
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TB: How dare you take so much time to get here - !
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Spike hears whistling. SPIKE: Wait!
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Old Man Jobin walks by whistling.
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SPIKE: Wrong guy...
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TB: I have never intended humans as targets! But you guys are different!
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Guys like you deserve -
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He is interrupted by whistling.
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SPIKE: He's here...
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Andy rides toward them on his horse.
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ANDY: YOU! It was you!
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SPIKE: So you finally remember me. You always -
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ANDY: You ALWAYS butt in and get in my way!
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SPIKE: YOU'RE the one that's in the way!
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TB: Now that I have both of you here, I will tell you. The reason why I
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continue to blow buildings up. That is because -
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Andy and Spike completely ignore TB.
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ANDY: Today, we are going to settle the score once and for all.
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SPIKE: WHAT?! That's MY line!
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TB: Listen to what I have to say!
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SPIKE & ANDY: Shut up!
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ANDY: And you are? WHO ARE YOU?!
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TB: C-Can't you guys put some effort into your work?!
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TB detonates a bomb and runs.
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SPIKE: We have to catch HIM first!
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ANDY: Wait!
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Spike and Andy chase after him leading them into an elevator. The doors
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close. TB stands in another car.
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TB: You guys take me too lightly. That elevator's doors will never open
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again. And once it starts moving, that's the end. It will never stop.
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At the top floor, my cute little bears will greet you. So, the moment
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that the elevator reaches the top floor: BOOM! Well, live what little
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you have of your life left without regret! Farewell, and good luck.
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The elevator ascends.
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ANDY: Rest assured. I understand... I KNOW how he does things.
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SPIKE: Don't worry. I know how he does -
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Spike opens up the control panel and pushes a few buttons. Nothing happens.
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ANDY: This afternoon, I reverted the secret emergency code that had been
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changed. YEAH!
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SPIKE: I reverted it this afternoon! Change after change... means it's back
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to where it started!
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Andy fires a pistol. The bullet ricochets up and down the elevator.
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SPIKE: Stop, you idiot!
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ANDY: What do we do, what do we do?! OH, NO!
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Spike opens the ceiling door. Andy goes up the door as well. The two are
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stuck.
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SPIKE: Wah, stop, shit, it's too tight! YOU are in the way!
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ANDY: What?! Get outta the way, dammit!
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The elevator reaches the top floor. The bears explode.
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Outside the building.
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TB: Farewell... Come to think of it, they were brave young men...
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Faye taps TB on the shoulder.
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FAYE: Hey!
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TB turns around. Faye punches him out.
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Spike and Andy miraculously survive. They begin to race to the remains of
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the top floor.
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From the ground, Jet and Faye watch Spike and Andy climb.
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FAYE: They're climbing... those two monkeys...
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JET: They like high places.
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FAYE: So they ARE similar...
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JET: Let's just go back...
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FAYE: Then I'll go turn him in.
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Faye kicks TB tied up on the ground.
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At the remains of the top floor.
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ANDY: YOU don't even deserve to be called a cowboy.
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SPIKE: I will never for give you.
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The exchange gunfire. They run out of bullets and begin to fight with their
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fists. Spike fails to hit Andy. Enraged, he punches a crumbling wall. This
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causes a chain reaction, causing the ground beneath Andy to up heave. Andy
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hangs on to the edge. He climbs back up and.
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ANDY: I lose...
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Spike is baffled. Andy approaches Spike.
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ANDY: That was some punch! You are a true cowboy. As of today, I will no
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longer be a cowboy. This really is a hats-off!.
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Andy puts his cowboy hat atop Spike's head. Andy's horse enters the floor
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by way of another elevator.
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SPIKE: So... what are ya gonna do now?
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ANDY: I will no doubt find a new way of life... See you, space cowboy!
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Andy rides his horse to the elevator. Spike stares at Andy, jaw agape.
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The Bebop. Spike eats large spoonfuls of "SON-OF-A-GUN STEW."
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SPIKE: Well, it was only a rich boy's hobby. His level, no, rank was really
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no match for me. Hey, are ya listening?
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JET: Yeah, yeah.
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SPIKE: So, he just wasn't any enemy of mine. Of course, I never had him in
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my line of sight. Hey, are ya listening?
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JET: Yeah, yeah.
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Somewhere on the road. A policeman converses with the arrested TB in a
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police truck.
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OFFICER: But anyway, why did you want to blow stuff up so much?
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TB: I wanted to give a warning against all the unnecessary waste created by
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capitalism lacking philosophy. Planets that needlessly get colonized.
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Media that needlessly get circulated. And buildings that are needlessly
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tall to symbolize all of this! And by destroying them, I wanted to
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raise the question of how a true pioneer should be.
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ANDY: Wait, wait, WAIT!
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TB looks out the window. Andy, riding on his horse, is dressed in the guise
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of a samurai complete with two katanas.
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TB: Andy!
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ANDY: Call me... MUSASHI! Go, JIROUMARU!
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TB: But... It was all a waste, wasn't it...?
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The policeman taps TB's shoulder.
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SEE YOU SPACE SAMURAI...
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CLOSING CREDITS
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COMING EPISODE
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ANDY: So, did you pay close attention to me and my wonderful role?
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SPIKE: Hey, wait a minute...
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ANDY: Now, the next episode, the next story -
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SPIKE: Why are YOU doing the preview?
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ANDY: Once again, it's time for me, Andy, to have an active role in the
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story!
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SPIKE: Your turn on the stage is already over!
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ANDY: Now that I'm a space samurai, watch me completely crush cowboys left
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and right!
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SPIKE: You're not appearing in the show anymore!
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ANDY: Next episode of Cowboy Bebop: "Andy Strikes Back!"
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SPIKE: The title is nothing like that! Please look forward to it!
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Next Session
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BRAIN SCRATCH
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