<rss version="2.0"><channel><title>cleric + thief</title>
<link>http://tilde.town/~dozens/clericthief/index.html</link><description>adventures of iofi and maddox</description><atom:link rel="self" type="application/rss+xml" href="http://tilde.town/~dozens/clericthief/episodes.xml"/>
<item>
  <title>00003. The Hand</title>
  <link>http://tilde.town/~dozens/clericthief/00003-hand.html</link>
  <pubDate>Sat Sep  3 00:00:00 MDT 2022
</pubDate>
  <guid isPermaLink="false">2022-09-03 00003. The Hand</guid>
  <description>
---
title: 00003. The Hand
subtitle: council of five
created: 2022-09-01
updated: 2022-09-04
---
"They had accents," Maddox explains. They and Iofi are in Count Dindrati's library. They haven't been invited to sit, so they both stand. The count is seated at a table by himself studying a board game.
"They were from the west," they continue.

"Yes, yes." Dindrati waves his hand dismissively. His thumb and first two fingers are scaly, and each ends in a pointed tip.

He picks up a piece from the board and moves it.

"Your priorities have changed," he says, finally looking up from the board. His wide, smooth face would probably be quite unremarkable were it not for the raised gold-colored scales on the side of his jaw, like beetle carapaces crawling up his left cheekbone and encircling his eye. That eye has no pupil, no iris. Just a solid pool the color of liquid, molten metal.

"I have reason to believe that the Hand may be involved in Blackguard's disappearance." Maddox shifts their weight back onto their heels. Iofi draws her shoulders back a little. "I want you to find out. And if it's true, I want you to make them feel my disappointment."

He turns back to the game. "Start with the Pinky," he says and waves again, dismissing them.

Iofi clears her throat and says, "Going after the Hand is not nearly the same as interviewing the butler of a rich merchant. We'll need to renegotiate our contract."

Dindrati sighs and nods, and presses himself up from his game. He turns around and crosses the room. He draws one claw-tipped finger across the spines of the books on the shelf.

He pulls down a thick journal and turns back to the duo.

"Here," he says, holding it out to Iofi. "This should be enough to balance the scales."

Iofi reaches out and takes the book from the count.

"I'll adjust your pay accordingly," he concludes, sitting back down to the game.

---

The count nominally governs Kriteach County. He speaks with the authority of the king, and enforces his will with his own police force. But it is the Hand that in actuality runs the day to day operations of the city. They indulge in the standard practices of organized crime. Racketeering, bribery, extortion and the like. But they do so with the begrudging support of the citizens, because they also spend a significant amount of effort enforcing their own code of ethics. They investigate and punish breaches of conduct both within their own ranks, and also amongst the people. Theirs has become a sort of people's court.

The governing body of the Hand is a council of five. Hence the name. The individuals may change and come and go over the years. But the positions and the titles are always the same.

There is the Thumb, as in "under my". They serve an executive function in the Hand, getting to set agendas and priorities and direction.

The Index is the book keeper for the whole organization. His accountants and lawyers know all the secrets and how to protect them. And only he knows the extent and the contents, and the whereabouts, of the Hand's coffers.

There is no subtly to the Tall Man's racket. His is enforcement and protection. Usually through muscle and brute force. Although his crew has been known to pull off a clandestine operation or two.

The Dead Ringer employs a small number of spies. They broker in espionage, intrigue, disguise, and when necessary, assassination and disposal.

And finally there is the Pinky--as in "wrapped around my little finger"--whose portfolio includes information and blackmail. Their network of spies is not necessarily limited to, but is largely comprised of, the working girls in the brothels. And their intel are the secrets that foolish men let slip while their head is on the pillow.

It is a well known secret that the current Pinky, one Madam Rose Walker, is the owner and proprietor of Madam Walker's Supper Club. A charmingly seedy establishment where you can get a good bite to eat and then, if you pay a little more, you can head upstairs and have one of the girls for desert.

---

Iofi and Maddox spent the day preparing. The book that Count Dindrati gave them was a grimorie. A book of magic.

One of the rituals they prepared involved Iofi consuming the heart of an animal. Meadowgloom dutifully obtained and prepared the beast while the two of them continued to study. "Divination is more your thing than mine anyway," Maddox said apologetically as Iofi frowned and suffered through eating the thing.

And now here they are. Standing in the shadows outside the supper club in the southern part of the Lost Arch district, near the harbour.

Convention dictates they conduct their missions after hours. But "after hours" at a brothel is typically midday, which they agreed would leave them feeling a little exposed. So they opted for 3:00, the bewitching hour.

"Ready?" Iofi asks quietly. Maddox nods and the two of them step out of the shadows. Maddox grumbles once again at the lack of windows on the ground floor. They walk past the painted red front door and around to the back alley where the entrance to the kitchen is. Iofi reaches into her satchel to pet the black turtle as she walks up to the door. She places her hand on the door and speaks with two voices, "<span style="font-variant:small-caps;">The door is open.</span>" She presses gently and the door swings open.

She steps aside so that Maddox can slip in, and then follows them and closes the door shut behind them.

EOF

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<item>
  <title>00002. Meadowgloom</title>
  <link>http://tilde.town/~dozens/clericthief/00002-meadowgloom.html</link>
  <pubDate>Thu Sep  1 00:00:00 MDT 2022
</pubDate>
  <guid isPermaLink="false">2022-09-01 00002. Meadowgloom</guid>
  <description>
---
title: 00002. Meadowgloom
subtitle: Fucking Blackguard
created: 2022-08-31
updated: 2022-09-01
---
"You really don't know where Blackguard is," asks Maddox.

The four of them are sitting around a table in the safe house. Maddox, the bone doctor, Iofi, and Meadowgloom.

The bone doctor, summoned by Other Maddox, is extraordinarily pale. They have just finished stitching Maddox up, and are now wrapping them up in a bandage. They also set out some salve for Iofi, who is rubbing it into her boney forearms. They ache deeply from when she took the brunt of the blow from the axeman.

"I really don't," confesses Meadowgloom in his high, soft voice.

Meadowgloom is Blackguard's *majordomo*, head of his household staff. Up until recently he was quite happy and content with his job.

That was before, of course, he was detained and threatened with bodily dismemberment by three thugs who broke into the Blackguard house. Before being rescused by the tall dark haired woman and the short fair haired man, both of whom command strange magicks and are also quite handy with a hammer and a knife, respectively. Which makes them in some ways even scarier than the burglars were. And ultimately they also eventually threatened him with violence.

All because of Blackguard.

Blackguard, whose investments, speculations, and ventures have made him one of the most conspicuously wealthy merchants in Kriteach. Possibly on the entire island.

Blackguard, who over the last month started becoming increasingly anxious and secretive. Holding meetings at odd hours behind closed doors. Spending more and more time alone with his books. As though he knew the net was tightening, drawing closed around him.

Blackguard, who disappeared three days ago and left Meadowgloom holding the proverbial bag. After years of service and loyalty.

Fucking Blackguard.

"I don't," continues Meadowgloom. "But I can recreate his final days in the house for you. I can give you access to his books. His correspondence. Everything."

---

Meadowgloom's confidence starts to waiver as the three of them walk back to the Blackguard house. It was his sanctuary mere days ago. But now the illusion of safety has been shattered, and when he thinks of returning he feels a knot of dread in the pit of his stomach. He doesn't think he'll ever feel at peace there again.

He doesn't know how right he is about that.

The street is blocked off. The house, in the middle of the block, is collapsed in on itself and continues to smoke and smolder slightly. It is blackened by soot, gutted by fire, and utterly soaked from the efforts of putting out the blaze.

The fire brigade is now focused on putting out a neighboring apartment.

Meadowgloom moans helplessly and wordlessly. He was already mourning the psychological loss of his home. But he wasn't prepared for its physical loss.

"Shit," curses Maddox.

Iofi looks at them and frowns.

"It's a setback," she offers.

"It was our best and only lead," they counter.

Meadowgloom moans again and rushes past the barricade toward the house. He is stopped by the brigade, who won't let him advance. Maddox gives him a moment, and then steps forward and gently pulls him away. They walk back in the direction from which they came. Meadowgloom, silent and dejected, flanked on either side by Maddox and Iofi. Nothing else to be done here.

"You'll stay with us," Iofi pats Meadowgloom on the arm.

Maddox mumbles something under their breath and nods.

"It's the least we can do given the circumstances."

EOF

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<item>
  <title>00001. Cleric + Thief</title>
  <link>http://tilde.town/~dozens/clericthief/00001-introductions.html</link>
  <pubDate>Tue Aug 30 00:00:00 MDT 2022
</pubDate>
  <guid isPermaLink="false">2022-08-30 00001. Cleric + Thief</guid>
  <description>
---
title: 00001. Cleric + Thief
subtitle: Introducing Iofi and Maddox
created: 2022-08-30
updated: 2022-08-30
---
Iofi knocks on the front door of the apartment while Maddox turns and faces the other way, inspecting the immaculate lawn and the empty tree-lined street.

"Does the formality of it ever strike you as funny?" asks Maddox. They are short and fidgety, with a ruddy face, small squinting eyes, and short shaggy blonde hair.

Iofi drags the fingers of one hand gently across the face of the door. Her other hand starts to reach instinctively for the satchel around her waist, but then the returns it to her side after all. "Funny?" she echoes quietly, almost to herself. She is tall, almost gaunt. Her long dark hair is pulled back into a low tight bun. She has slightly buck teeth and a slight overbite, and large dark eyes with hooded eyelids.

"Knocking like that. Like you need permission." Maddox continues quietly, their voice just above a whisper. "You don't find it funny?"

"It's the right thing to do," Iofi answers, turning her head slightly toward her partner.

Maddox turns from the lawn, satisfied for now, and leans over the railing to peer in through the window.

"The right thing to do," they counter, "is whatever gets you what you need." They squint, trying to make out the inside of the room through the thin curtains. "And right now, we need to find the merchant."

The door opens a crack just as Iofi raises her fist to knock a second time.

Maddox quickly straightens up and tries not to look like they were just spying through the window.

In the doorway is a small bald man with a thin, meticulous goatee and mustache. He stands in the small space between the door and its frame and peers out at them with large watery eyes and a gaping mouth like a goldfish.

"Yes?" he greets them with a soft, high voice.

"Hello," Iofi smiles, revealing an impressive amount of teeth, her mouth giving a round shape to her vowels. "We're looking for Mister Dedric Blackguard. Is he available?"

Maddox clears their throat and tugs on their sleeves on the front porch. The small man glances at them briefly before flicking his eyes back to Iofi.

"No, I'm afraid Mister Blackguard is not here at the moment."

Maddox asks, "Do you know when he will be back?" their voice a little raspy as they speak up to be heard.

"I'm afraid not," he answers in his childlike voice. There is a heavy thump and a scrape from somewhere behind the door. The doorman flinches and smiles nervously.

Maddox narrows their eyes, and concern appears on Iofi's face. "Is everything alright?" she asks. The doorman's eyes flit quickly behind the door.

"Yes! Yes, everything is quite alright. It, erm. It was just the cat!"

"The cat," echoes Iofi.

"Look," the doorman squeaks, "I really must be going. I really am busy. I'll tell Mister Blackguard you were here. Miss?"

"Iofi." She gestures behind her, "and Maddox. From the office of the Governor."

The doorman meeps quietly again. "The governor? Oh, um. Yes, very good. I will let Mister Blackguard know. Now, as I said, I am very busy. Good day!"

The small man closes the door in their faces. There is the sound of a key turning in a lock, and the sliding of a bolt.

"Do you think he's in trouble in there?" Maddox asks Iofi, their voice a little more melodious as it drops to its natural register just above a whisper.

"If he is, it would be the right thing to do to help him, wouldn't it?" Iofi answers dipping her hand into her satchel.

"I'm more concerned about losing a lead than doing the right thing, but you know. Tell yourself what you need to hear."

Iofi places her free hand on the door and when she speaks next, she does so with two voices at once. "<span style="font-variant:small-caps;">This door is unlocked</span>." She lowers her hand to the door handle and turns it, and steps aside making room for Maddox at her side as she silently opens it a crack.

Maddox peers into the empty foyer on the other side of the door. There is a staircase leading up to the second level, a hallway receding away from them toward the back of the house, and a large doorway on either side.

A second Maddox walks briskly but silently in from the room on the right and looks expectantly at the two of them lurking in the doorway. The Maddox on the front porch nods at Iofi, who pushes the front door open wide enough for them both to fit through.

Maddox tells the other Maddox, "Continue searching the downstairs. If everything's clear, head back to the safe house and wait for us there." Maddox nods, and silently continues through the doorway on the left into a dining room.

Maddox turns back to Iofi and nods questioningly toward the stairs. They go first, a dagger suddenly in each hand. She pulls a glass rod out of her satchel, something between a large hammer and small club, and follows.

At the top of the stairs is a hall with four rooms. Two to the left, one to the right, and one straight ahead.

Muffled voices drift down the hall from the room at the far end of the hall.

Maddox and Iofi creep forward. One of the voices is the high, soft, trembling voice of the doorman. The other voice is low, calm, and commanding.

"I told you I don't know where he is!"

"And I told you that is not an acceptable answer." Maddox frowns at the voice's western accent and glances back and up at Iofi. She nods, a single line of concern creasing her brow. She heard it to.

"He has something of ours," the voice continues. "We need it back."

The doorman yelps and there is the sound of a brief scuffle, and a thump, and the doorman cries out in despair.

Iofi leans over Maddox and places her hand on the door. "Ready?" They crouch and raise their daggers. "<span style="font-variant:small-caps;">We're already on the other side.</span>"

In an instant, Maddox and Iofi find themselves on the other side of the door. Two thugs are holding the terrified doorman down in a chair. One is pressing his hand flat down on the table in front of him, fingers splayed. A third brute is standing before the doorman, a cleaver in his hand, raised over the doorman's fingers.

Maddox flings one dagger at the brute with the cleaver. It lodges in the meat of his shoulder and he howls. All eyes turn toward the door, which remains closed and locked.

Iofi points her rod at the brute and says, "<span style="font-variant:small-caps;">That's not a cleaver, that's an eel!</span>" The brute watches in amazement as the cleaver in his hand bends and warps and elongates and grows flesh and teeth. Teeth that the eel sink into the brute's forearm.

The brute cries out and throws the eel to the ground and stumbles back.

The doorman scoots quickly away as the thugs release him and lunge toward Maddox, the first drawing a shortsword, and the second swinging an axe.

Maddox parries the shortsword, but the axe slices them across the ribs. They cry out.

"Maddox!" Iofi cries and brings her club down on the thug. It's an awkward swing and glances off the thug's arm, but it lands a substantially more solid blow than a frail glass rod ought to.

Maddox dashes to the side and throws another dagger, striking up to the hilt in the brute's chest. He clutches the blade and staggers to the floor.

The thug with the shortsword hesitates and takes a step back. But the one with the axe charges forward and swings at Iofi. The blow is heavy and rattles her bones, but she deflects it and swings her club again, this time cracking the thug in the head. He stumbles.

Maddox, having produced another dagger, lunges for thug with the axe, but the slash in his ribs is so painful that he is unable to strike a killing blow. Still, the axeman cries and stumbles.

Seeing his opportunity, the swordsman darts forward and pierces Maddox clean through the shoulder. Maddox cries out, barely still standing.

Iofi advances in a fury and the swordsman falls beneath a flurry of blows.

Maddox collapses in her arms and she drags him over to the doorman, who is huddling wide-eyed in the corner.

The thug with the axe staggers forward and raises the blade over his head as Maddox reaches out and weakly grabs the doorman by his lapel. Iofi looks up and makes eye contact with the axeman as he grunts and swings down on them. At the same time Maddox whispers, "Snap," and the three of them blink out of existence.

The axe buries itself in the floor, and the axeman looks around the room, empty except for him and his dead and dying comrades.

---

They arrive in a heap on the floor in safe house. Other Maddox is standing over them. They look gravely concerned, but they don't move forward to help them.

"I saw," they say softly. "I already called for help."

Iofi, still holding Maddox in her arms, looks up at the other Maddox. "Thank you," she says.

The doorman whimpers and tries to crawl away on all fours, and vomits on the ground.

Maddox groans, doubled over in pain. From between gritted teeth they hiss, "Wait outside. Stand watch."

Other Maddox nods and silently exits the room.

Maddox drags himself over to the doorman, the two of them both on the ground, and they shove him onto his back. From somewhere, they have produced another long bladed dagger. "Now," they whisper, holding the tip near the doorman's face. "Whatever it is you were about to tell those goons, you're going to tell us instead. Where's Blackguard?"

Iofi, her gown covered in blood, stands up and walks over to Maddox and the whimpering doorman.

She crouches down and reaches into her satchel and pulls out a turtle shell the size of her hand. It is jet black, with a bright orange dotted line around the edge. She places it on the ground next to the doorman, and watches it intently.

The doorman glances from Maddox to it, as first one and then another head pokes out from the shell. One looks at the doorman curiously, and the other ignores him, looking as much in the opposite direction as is possible.

"Yes," Iofi nods and says to the doorman, eyes still on the turtle, "I suggest you tell them what they want to know. It would be the right thing to do."

EOF

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