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@ -84,39 +84,56 @@ That stranger would drop me off in a place that was better-lit (by street-lamps)
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<div>
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<h3>Another story: the cost of discipleship; or, the cost of pursuing God
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</h3>
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<p>
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In my mid-twenties, I felt a desire to know God and experience His love for myself. (Others have written about this yearning more eloquently than myself; I trust I am not alone.)
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</p>
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<p>
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In my mid-twenties, I felt a desire to know God and experience His love for myself. (Others have written about this yearning more eloquently than myself, so I trust I am not alone.)
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The question was, "How do I go about it?"
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</p>
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<p>
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I grew convinced that the teachings of Lord Christ Jesus - written in the Bible - could help me achieve my goal.
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</p>
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<p>
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So, over the later half of my twenties, I went on a pilgrimage of sorts.
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</p>
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<p>
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"Sell your possessions and give to the poor," the Christ said.
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</p>
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<p>
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And so I put my clothes to work, by giving them away to a local branch of Salvation Army.
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</p>
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<p>
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I wanted to sell a laptop Papa had given me. On my way to send it to a computer-shop, I realised I had left it at a cafe where I had been dining. I decided that was one way to give away my laptop as well, and let the laptop go wherever it had gone, instead of claiming it back from the cafe.
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</p>
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<p>
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I wanted to put my passport to work as well. I decided it had more use if I sent its paper for recycling, and so I did that.
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</p>
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<p>
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Naturally, I would face consequences, which I elaborate later in this account.
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</p>
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<p>
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My friends accused me of being idle and imposed their world-view of a conventional, worldly job upon me. After they read a verse from the Bible about how "whoever does not work is worse than an unbeliever", I decided to work among these friends. I had a little over SGD$450 in my savings then, so I withdrew it in denominations of $50, and gave one $50 bill to each of the nine "friends" who had imposed themselves on me. "God gave me this money, take it. I am working now, like how the apostles gave away the fish and the loaves."
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</p>
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<p>
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On a morning shortly after that, Papa and Mummy engaged some men to send me to Institute of Mental Health (in Singapore), where I stayed under lock and key for three months.
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</p>
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<p>
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Upon leaving that Institute, I stayed at what the mass media calls a "psychiatric shelter", where I still reside, at the time of writing.
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</p>
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<p>
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But today - aged thirty - I feel the peace and joy God has given me.
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</p>
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<p>
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Now it is time for me to bear fruits, so to speak.
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</p>
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<p>
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Mummy had damaged me with emotional and physical violence in childhood. (For example, she threatened to commit suicide unless my siblings and I behaved as she wanted). I chose to forgive her: a few months ago, I invited her to have a dessert with me, and I shared with her some photographs I had taken. (She liked two of those photographs, in particular).
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</p>
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<p>
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As the world turned to the Internet amidst the pandemic, I reached out to strangers. Sometimes my message was as simple as "How are you doing today?" Some have told me they find my messages helpful. And I enjoyed discovering brothers and sisters in the Christian family, through web-sites such as LinkedIn.
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</p>
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<p>
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This account of my pursuit of God is me bearing fruit as well. May it encourage people in this world to reconcile themselves to God, their maker - if they are willing to pay the cost of following the Christ.
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</p>
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</div>
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