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@ -84,39 +84,56 @@ That stranger would drop me off in a place that was better-lit (by street-lamps)
<div> <div>
<h3>Another story: the cost of discipleship; or, the cost of pursuing God <h3>Another story: the cost of discipleship; or, the cost of pursuing God
</h3> </h3>
<p>
In my mid-twenties, I felt a desire to know God and experience His love for myself. (Others have written about this yearning more eloquently than myself; I trust I am not alone.)
</p>
<p> <p>
In my mid-twenties, I felt a desire to know God and experience His love for myself. (Others have written about this yearning more eloquently than myself, so I trust I am not alone.)
The question was, "How do I go about it?" The question was, "How do I go about it?"
</p>
<p>
I grew convinced that the teachings of Lord Christ Jesus - written in the Bible - could help me achieve my goal. I grew convinced that the teachings of Lord Christ Jesus - written in the Bible - could help me achieve my goal.
</p>
<p>
So, over the later half of my twenties, I went on a pilgrimage of sorts. So, over the later half of my twenties, I went on a pilgrimage of sorts.
</p>
<p>
"Sell your possessions and give to the poor," the Christ said. "Sell your possessions and give to the poor," the Christ said.
</p>
<p>
And so I put my clothes to work, by giving them away to a local branch of Salvation Army. And so I put my clothes to work, by giving them away to a local branch of Salvation Army.
</p>
<p>
I wanted to sell a laptop Papa had given me. On my way to send it to a computer-shop, I realised I had left it at a cafe where I had been dining. I decided that was one way to give away my laptop as well, and let the laptop go wherever it had gone, instead of claiming it back from the cafe. I wanted to sell a laptop Papa had given me. On my way to send it to a computer-shop, I realised I had left it at a cafe where I had been dining. I decided that was one way to give away my laptop as well, and let the laptop go wherever it had gone, instead of claiming it back from the cafe.
</p>
<p>
I wanted to put my passport to work as well. I decided it had more use if I sent its paper for recycling, and so I did that. I wanted to put my passport to work as well. I decided it had more use if I sent its paper for recycling, and so I did that.
</p>
<p>
Naturally, I would face consequences, which I elaborate later in this account. Naturally, I would face consequences, which I elaborate later in this account.
</p>
<p>
My friends accused me of being idle and imposed their world-view of a conventional, worldly job upon me. After they read a verse from the Bible about how "whoever does not work is worse than an unbeliever", I decided to work among these friends. I had a little over SGD$450 in my savings then, so I withdrew it in denominations of $50, and gave one $50 bill to each of the nine "friends" who had imposed themselves on me. "God gave me this money, take it. I am working now, like how the apostles gave away the fish and the loaves." My friends accused me of being idle and imposed their world-view of a conventional, worldly job upon me. After they read a verse from the Bible about how "whoever does not work is worse than an unbeliever", I decided to work among these friends. I had a little over SGD$450 in my savings then, so I withdrew it in denominations of $50, and gave one $50 bill to each of the nine "friends" who had imposed themselves on me. "God gave me this money, take it. I am working now, like how the apostles gave away the fish and the loaves."
</p>
<p>
On a morning shortly after that, Papa and Mummy engaged some men to send me to Institute of Mental Health (in Singapore), where I stayed under lock and key for three months. On a morning shortly after that, Papa and Mummy engaged some men to send me to Institute of Mental Health (in Singapore), where I stayed under lock and key for three months.
</p>
<p>
Upon leaving that Institute, I stayed at what the mass media calls a "psychiatric shelter", where I still reside, at the time of writing. Upon leaving that Institute, I stayed at what the mass media calls a "psychiatric shelter", where I still reside, at the time of writing.
</p>
<p>
But today - aged thirty - I feel the peace and joy God has given me. But today - aged thirty - I feel the peace and joy God has given me.
</p>
<p>
Now it is time for me to bear fruits, so to speak. Now it is time for me to bear fruits, so to speak.
</p>
<p>
Mummy had damaged me with emotional and physical violence in childhood. (For example, she threatened to commit suicide unless my siblings and I behaved as she wanted). I chose to forgive her: a few months ago, I invited her to have a dessert with me, and I shared with her some photographs I had taken. (She liked two of those photographs, in particular). Mummy had damaged me with emotional and physical violence in childhood. (For example, she threatened to commit suicide unless my siblings and I behaved as she wanted). I chose to forgive her: a few months ago, I invited her to have a dessert with me, and I shared with her some photographs I had taken. (She liked two of those photographs, in particular).
</p>
<p>
As the world turned to the Internet amidst the pandemic, I reached out to strangers. Sometimes my message was as simple as "How are you doing today?" Some have told me they find my messages helpful. And I enjoyed discovering brothers and sisters in the Christian family, through web-sites such as LinkedIn. As the world turned to the Internet amidst the pandemic, I reached out to strangers. Sometimes my message was as simple as "How are you doing today?" Some have told me they find my messages helpful. And I enjoyed discovering brothers and sisters in the Christian family, through web-sites such as LinkedIn.
</p>
<p>
This account of my pursuit of God is me bearing fruit as well. May it encourage people in this world to reconcile themselves to God, their maker - if they are willing to pay the cost of following the Christ. This account of my pursuit of God is me bearing fruit as well. May it encourage people in this world to reconcile themselves to God, their maker - if they are willing to pay the cost of following the Christ.
</p> </p>
</div> </div>