it is the seventeenth day of the third month of the 105th year since a nation was publicly recognised
+ It's the twenty-third day of my challenge to eat vegetarian for forty days.
+
+ I went to a gathering where people talked about Christianity. At the end, I wondered, aloud, what kind of person
+ G!D is. I said in the group discussion that I can't open my heart easily to Him, and told those people in the small group
+ that I am of the kind who are more suspicious. Afterwards, a woman person in the group came up to me
+ and said that she sensed yearning and a lot of resistance in me. She also showed me a quote by Joseph Campbell, which
+ went: 'the greatest treasures are in the caves that you fear most to tread'. She asked me how I was feeling. I told her
+ I felt thankful for the opportunity for discussion. I don't think that covered the depth of my feelings.
+
+ I am angry. I feel anger towards G!D. Where was He when I was hurt, upset or forced to do things [under oppression]?
+ How can the people at the discussion talk about G!D's plan for me, when He feels distant?
+
+ I feel naked. I feel like the outcast of the group in a reality show [on television], unable and unwilling to join the
+ group in their comfort, solidarity, trust and security in the group. I feel left out. I feel lonely. Most of all, I
+ feel afraid. I feel afraid to trust again in someone, something or G!D himself. I feel very vulnerable.
+
+ I went to a psychiatric mental-health institution to seek help, attention and resolution. I expected
+ liberty, but I experienced coercion and oppression [even when I was finite in resources and energy, that is,
+ more precisely, needy, as in one of the needy or poor]. I learnt that I could not leave the ward at Acme Institute,
+ even if I wanted. [the name of the institute is masked, or anonymised - Jesus said: 'Be merciful, as your Master, who bought you for a price,
+ is merciful]. I learnt that the doctor, people who spent time with me previously (who said, "I am your father" and
+ "I am your mother"), and the social worker decided where and when I would stay and/or leave the ward [in the sense that
+ their approval, or authorisation, or their company, was required, for those to happen, as I had observed]. I was
+ pressured into taking medication by nurses, despite my
+ wishes to not consume them;
+ I was threatened with an indefinite incarceration in the hospital.
+ although i wanted to leave, I could not. how can people
+ say G!D has s plan for me when G!D feels so
+ far away as I went through that?
+
+ from the writer: as the Quran says, even the prophets
+ and the fellow who were with them, cried out,
+ 'our Lord 1 where are you / verily, verily, the mercy of g1d is near 1'
+
+
+ Can somebody tell me that was G1D's plan for me
+
+ sure?
+
+ the remark that gave me the greatest emotional impact
+ was that G!D loved me unconditionally.
+
+
+ It felt like a hand
+
+ from the writer: 'wipe the tears from your eyes. be dismayed
+ no more. For I, the LORD G!D, have struck
+ you in anger, for your sins were flagrant,
+ but you- you- I will have compassion
+ on you. You belong to Me, O Israel,
+ though I have scattered you into
+ distant lands and nations, and you
+ were stricken. You belong to Me,
+ and you will be with Me for-ever.
+ Praise be to G!D. I praise You,
+ for You have shown lovingkindness,
+ even to a poor spirit, a lowly heart,
+ a wretch like myself.
+
+ Burst into song, mountains!
+ Tap-dance, trees!
+ Glow and flare, o stars!
+ For the LORD G!D hath redeemed for Himself
+ a daughter, a son, a nation, a city!'
+
+ (what? would you rather G!D take angels for
+ daughters, and cherubims for sons?)
+
+ Praise be to G!D (thank you, Daddy)
+
+
+ Wipe your tears from your eyes.
+ Do not be dismayed.
+
+ Gardens of bliss, under which rivers
+ flow, spouses delighting in each other,
+ the objective of life, the felicity most high,
+ absolute beauty, supreme over all other felicity,
+ for the good pleasure of G!D, the Cherisher
+ and Sustainer of the Worlds.
+
+ Thou art my shepherd;
+ I shall not want.
+
+ I know no other Rock.
+ There is none like You.
+ I know no other Stone.
+ I know no other G!D.
+
+ Blessed is He who hath given rest to His
+ people. May all nations come to know
+ that our Lord is G!D, and that there
+ is no other G!D other than He, and that
+ G!D is our G!D. To G!D be to the glory
+ for-ever and ever. Amen. (so it is).
+
+
+ It felt like a hand, gently being placed against my
+ heart.
+
+ It felt like a piece of cloth being thrown against
+ my face. 'You don't have to earn that love,' that person
+ said. What if that was true? How can I trust G!D
+ not to hurt me? How can I trust G!D to not leave
+ me on my own? How can someone say, 'If you believe in
+ G!D, you will go through suffering' so matter-of-factly?
+ I don't want.
+
+ Why does G!D make me suffer? If He is there, why does
+ G!D allow people to suffer? Very briefly, I also
+ wonder how we can end suffering, G!D or not.
+
+ G!D. what will You do with me if I open my heart
+ to you?
+
+ Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
+ looking for them?
+
+
+ from the writer: 'I, the LORD G!D, have forgotten
+ your sins, and remember them no more.
+ as I said in the days of Noah after
+ the flood, I will not again cause
+ another world-destroying flood.'
+ "I promise
+ I will never stop doing good to her, and remind
+ her to fear me, and keep my commandment," saith
+ G!D, the Lord of lords, and King of kings.
+
+ (O LORD, our Father, you are the potter, we
+ are the clay; we are all the work of Your hands)
+
+ I will never tire of praising G!D
+ I praise You, oh LORD, for I am fearfully
+ and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful;
+ that I know full well.
+
+
+ [Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
+ looking for them?]
+ I needed those. Is it G!D? Is G!D there?
+ What does G!D do to people? I felt resentful towards G!D;
+ I'm not sure if I still do.
+
+ from the writer: the end of a thing is as powerful
+ as its beginning. and the patient in spirit is superior
+ to the proud in spirit. (as written in Scripture)
+
I love you, G!D.
+ G!D hath no begotten son,
+ and has no beings attached. (as written in Scripture
+ that some call "Quran")
+I
+