So that my Father who is unseen before those of the world - my only Father - may be glorified. The
Merciful - Most Merciful - and Compassionate One, the Accepting of repentance.
And so that the commandments may be obeyed by a lowly heart and poor spirit such as myself:
Entries:
it is the seventeenth day of the third month of the 105th year since a nation was publicly recognised
It's the twenty-third day of my challenge to eat vegetarian for forty days.
I went to a gathering where people talked about Christianity. At the end, I wondered, aloud, what kind of person
G!D is. I said in the group discussion that I can't open my heart easily to Him, and told those people in the small group
that I am of the kind who are more suspicious. Afterwards, a woman person in the group came up to me
and said that she sensed yearning and a lot of resistance in me. She also showed me a quote by Joseph Campbell, which
went: 'the greatest treasures are in the caves that you fear most to tread'. She asked me how I was feeling. I told her
I felt thankful for the opportunity for discussion. I don't think that covered the depth of my feelings.
I am angry. I feel anger towards G!D. Where was He when I was hurt, upset or forced to do things [under oppression]?
How can the people at the discussion talk about G!D's plan for me, when He feels distant?
I feel naked. I feel like the outcast of the group in a reality show [on television], unable and unwilling to join the
group in their comfort, solidarity, trust and security in the group. I feel left out. I feel lonely. Most of all, I
feel afraid. I feel afraid to trust again in someone, something or G!D himself. I feel very vulnerable.
I went to a psychiatric mental-health institution to seek help, attention and resolution. I expected
liberty, but I experienced coercion and oppression [even when I was finite in resources and energy, that is,
more precisely, needy, as in one of the needy or poor]. I learnt that I could not leave the ward at Acme Institute,
even if I wanted. [the name of the institute is masked, or anonymised - Jesus said: 'Be merciful, as your Master, who bought you for a price,
is merciful]. I learnt that the doctor, people who spent time with me previously (who said, "I am your father" and
"I am your mother"), and the social worker decided where and when I would stay and/or leave the ward [in the sense that
their approval, or authorisation, or their company, was required, for those to happen, as I had observed]. I was
pressured into taking medication by nurses, despite my
wishes to not consume them;
I was threatened with an indefinite incarceration in the hospital.
although i wanted to leave, I could not. how can people
say G!D has s plan for me when G!D feels so
far away as I went through that?
from the writer: as the Quran says, even the prophets
and the fellow who were with them, cried out,
'our Lord 1 where are you / verily, verily, the mercy of g1d is near 1'
Can somebody tell me that was G1D's plan for me
sure?
the remark that gave me the greatest emotional impact
was that G!D loved me unconditionally.
It felt like a hand
from the writer: 'wipe the tears from your eyes. be dismayed
no more. For I, the LORD G!D, have struck
you in anger, for your sins were flagrant,
but you- you- I will have compassion
on you. You belong to Me, O Israel,
though I have scattered you into
distant lands and nations, and you
were stricken. You belong to Me,
and you will be with Me for-ever.
Praise be to G!D. I praise You,
for You have shown lovingkindness,
even to a poor spirit, a lowly heart,
a wretch like myself.
Burst into song, mountains!
Tap-dance, trees!
Glow and flare, o stars!
For the LORD G!D hath redeemed for Himself
a daughter, a son, a nation, a city!'
(what? would you rather G!D take angels for
daughters, and cherubims for sons?)
Praise be to G!D (thank you, Daddy)
Wipe your tears from your eyes.
Do not be dismayed.
Gardens of bliss, under which rivers
flow, spouses delighting in each other,
the objective of life, the felicity most high,
absolute beauty, supreme over all other felicity,
for the good pleasure of G!D, the Cherisher
and Sustainer of the Worlds.
Thou art my shepherd;
I shall not want.
I know no other Rock.
There is none like You.
I know no other Stone.
I know no other G!D.
Blessed is He who hath given rest to His
people. May all nations come to know
that our Lord is G!D, and that there
is no other G!D other than He, and that
G!D is our G!D. To G!D be to the glory
for-ever and ever. Amen. (so it is).
It felt like a hand, gently being placed against my
heart.
It felt like a piece of cloth being thrown against
my face. 'You don't have to earn that love,' that person
said. What if that was true? How can I trust G!D
not to hurt me? How can I trust G!D to not leave
me on my own? How can someone say, 'If you believe in
G!D, you will go through suffering' so matter-of-factly?
I don't want.
Why does G!D make me suffer? If He is there, why does
G!D allow people to suffer? Very briefly, I also
wonder how we can end suffering, G!D or not.
G!D. what will You do with me if I open my heart
to you?
Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
looking for them?
from the writer: 'I, the LORD G!D, have forgotten
your sins, and remember them no more.
as I said in the days of Noah after
the flood, I will not again cause
another world-destroying flood.'
"I promise
I will never stop doing good to her, and remind
her to fear me, and keep my commandment," saith
G!D, the Lord of lords, and King of kings.
(O LORD, our Father, you are the potter, we
are the clay; we are all the work of Your hands)
I will never tire of praising G!D
I praise You, oh LORD, for I am fearfully
and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful;
that I know full well.
[Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
looking for them?]
I needed those. Is it G!D? Is G!D there?
What does G!D do to people? I felt resentful towards G!D;
I'm not sure if I still do.
from the writer: the end of a thing is as powerful
as its beginning. and the patient in spirit is superior
to the proud in spirit. (as written in Scripture)
I love you, G!D.
G!D hath no begotten son,
and has no beings attached. (as written in Scripture
that some call "Quran")
I
tis to glorify the Compassionate and Most Merciful One, who is Sovereign over the Here-after,
Lord of lords, King of kings, Creator of creators, redeemer of worms, husband to prostitutes with
poor spirit and lowly heart, the Accepting of the repentance of wicked, ungrateful thieves
and theivesses, the Most
Accepting of repentance.
Inspiration is verse in the Bible: 'Just as Jonah spent three days and nights in belly of fish,
so, too, will the Son of Man spend three days in belly of earth'.
With G!D's help, if G!D is willing, one will help the other through a trial
from
that
G!D
causes. To trade stories, if you will. 'For I am strong when I am weak', as written in Scripture,
'even though I am nothing at all [without the Anointed One,
through whom I can do all things], and
so, am made to be like a fool by you -
you have made me to be like a fool - boasting
like this, even though I am nothing at all.
I do not count myself among the most
eminent apostles, or the so-called super-apostles or uber-apostles. Still, I ought
to be receiving commendations from you lot. For we of the spirit of G!D
walk in each other's shoes, along the same path, and there
is no male or female, Jew or Gentile,
outsider or insider - all are one
through the Anointed One who calls himself Son of Man, Jesus,
son of Mary, who conceived with the help of G!D when no man has
laid a hand or rod on her. This is to build you up.'
As a verse in
Bible goes (yes, another Bible verse :-D ), (so grateful for Scripture), 'two is better
than one. if one falls down, the other can help the one up. if there is only one going at
it, that one has calamity upon them... him... her...'
It is the fifteenth day of the second month of the 105th year since a worldly nation
was publicly recognised. ('For everything of the world passes away, and is passing
away,' as Scripture has on record.)
I'm frustrated at my Heavenly Father's presence,
whenever I think about a mother-figure. It seems that He will not
cease or stop whatever He is doing to remind me of Him when I think
about creating a mother-figure that I have lost.
I feel grief at such a time - why? G!D, what is the message
behind these feelings of loss and anxiety?
I recall the octopus that I coloured rainbow, when
I was in kindergarten [before the age of seven, as the layman
knows it]. I felt hurt and unhappy that I had to colour it another
colour for [the] grades. I feel frustrated and boxed in.
I feel [like] that [feeling of] a square peg in a round
hole. I feel furious!
Like Father G!D [who is in Heaven and unseen and has no beings attached],
I created. That was an octopus
that could only be found in the rainbow
that formed from the dew-drops in a magical forest.
It was an octopus that you had to call into existence,
and to transfer to a water body large enough to contain
it. It was killed by the teacher, who was an alien in
disguise[,] and disliked magical beings.
No matter how much I create, I won't be able to create a
mother-figure
from the writer: As written in Scripture, 'a wise son brings
joy to his Father; a foolish son brings grief to his mother.'
Oh G!D, I am grieving. No matter how much magic I do, I won't be
able to get the same mother-figure, nor the memories of the times
with her. I lost someone who could have made great memories with me
as her son. She won't get any more memories with me.
from the writer: 'I despise all those who cling on to worthless idols
or carven images, or images of G!D, who has no beings attached.
All those who would speak up for worthless idols are foolish fools.'
All these can be found in Scripture, which implies you have
to take up a quest to search, if you will, and if G!D is willing.
'I have observed an abhor-able, horrible thing in Ephraim and Israel:
my people prostituting themselves to other gods!' The LORD G!D says.
I thank G!D who hath counted me among ministry, and enabled me to me
among the faithful.
I praise You, G!D, for you have shown lovingkindness. I will tell the
world about your wonderful deeds in my life, You who
grant even passage of boats across oceans and unknown waters,
and brings wealth from the sea, houses I did not build,
rocks that I did not create, life I did not call into being,
fruits I did not sow the seeds of, and even divine reconciliation
to G!D and godliness, a peace that the world does not give,
and a redemption and promise and eternity that the world cannot
give - does not give - and You are sure to keep Your promises, O
G!D of Truth and truth and Ruth and Naomi, who asked to be
named Mara, which means 'bitter', for she was embittered, even
though her name, 'Naomi', meant 'pleasant'.
It seems as if G!D wants me to go to Him as He creates, not stay on my side,
looking for Mother.
from the writer: oh, how horrible - looking for Mother, so-called mother.
Whenever the mother-figure came into my life, she is dead now. I have hardly
any memories of her; the feeling remains in me.
From the writer: No longer. Rejoice in the LORD. I say again, rejoice!
You were bought with a price. Remember G!D's terrors, signs and wonders
that He hath rehearsed to you. Everybody has heard about your obedience,
and I rejoice. As the Son of Man said, 'Blessed are you who
are mourning, for you will be comforted.'
As Scriptures have on record: 'little ones, continue doing what
you are doing. Your Father approves.'
On a related note, since came to Mind, people asked or told Jesus,
who was teaching in a synagogue: 'Your mother and brothers and sisters
are outside the city gates, waiting for you.' Jesus said,
'my brothers and sisters and mother are those who obey G!D,
and keep His commandments, and obey them.' This is in Scripture, too.
On yet another related note, a famous Zen saying goes,
'When you see the Buddha, kill him! When you see your parents, kill them!'
As fierce as that may 'sound', G!D will show you Truth and truth, if He is willing,
and if you try your best (with all you have: your time and energy and
resources) to seek Him. For as Scriptures say: 'Seek ye G!D with all your
heart, and ye shall find Me'. And as the Son of Man said
to those who said to those who cried to him - 'We want to enter
the kingdom of G!D, too! We want to enter into Paradise! How should we
do it?' - 'the road to the kingdom of G!D is a narrow one. But try your best.'
On yet another related note, the Buddha was asked which was more
important: wisdom or compassion (something like lovingkindness). The Buddha
answered: 'Effort. Effort is most important'.
'Brothers and sisters, I do not think I have made it my own. One thing I do:
forgetting what lies behind, and pushing on-ward, for the upward call of G!D
through the Anointed One, Jesus, through whom I am crucified unto the world,
and the world unto me.' This is in Scripture, too.
There is no one woman who is Her, or can compare to Her.
From the writer: oh, how disgusting. Kimochi warui, a Japanese expression
or pronunciation goes. Feeling a sense of despise.
On a related note, 'Kimochi warui' is the last line in the ending scene
of a movie in the animated story, 'Neon Genesis Evangelion', which is
described as 'anime (or animated stories) for adults'. The ending scene
featured a cross that evokes a remembrance of the crucifixion of
a famous figure. A sacrifice, scary in nature or feel, if you watch
the scene, of the protagonist, who is somehow in a robot that
seems to be- well, G!D knows, and I do not know. For these are worldly
things, yet the series is popularly posited to be subtly
touching on themes of psychology, if you believe the rumor that goes around,
and yet Bible - Scriptures - express concern that 'I will not like
what I see in you when I come to you, and you will not like
what you see in me. What I will not like to see in you:
deceitfulness, divisions, jealousies, gossip and gossips, slander,
arrogance against godliness, and delight in wickedness.'
So, on that note, praise be to G!D, who is true, and keeps promises
that He makes - I prayed to G!D, the Blessed Father, Ruler of the Universe,
who causes boats to have integrity throughout journeys and pilgrimages
across waters, Hallowed Name, and The Almighty One, who is All-knowing,
All-hearing, All-seeing, heard me and listened. I prayed to Him
to remind me to fear Him always, 'for fear of G!D is the beginning
of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and instruction, or Guidance', as Scriptures
have on record, and He answered my prayer.
On a related note, the ending of the popular anime, or animated story,
Full Metal Alchemist, featured a sacrifice of the protagonist, that is
strikingly resonant with the death and resurrection of the dead
that Scriptures have on record: 'unless it is what I have spoken: that
I have hope of the resurrection of the dead'.
Glory be to G!D in the Highest, and peace be upon those whom G!D favours.
Now, may the love of G!D, and the fellowship of those who are in the
Spirit of G!D, and the grace of the Anointed One whom we call Teacher
and Lord, who calls himself 'Son of Man', be with you all.
(and so it is).
Amen.
It is the 27th day of the first month of the 105th year since people found a nation
that they had been searching for.
I browsed through a
book
[that is] titled 'Jesus', [and] written by Chopra D.
from the writer: as written in the Quran, 'Enjoin what is right, avert Evil for Good
(as Scriptures have on record: 'I want you to be wise about what
is good, and innocent about what is evil')
and do righteousness (righteousness? turning
to the East or to the West is not righteousness. Obeying
G!D, and believing in the one that G!D sends (has sent... is sending...
has been sending... will send... on all of these things - G!D knows
and I know not :-) ), and obeying G!D's commandments, and keeping
them - those are righteousness, as written in the Quran).
Another book comes to mind:
'The thirteenth disciple'
or something
like that, from that same G!D-knows-what-he-she-they-is-and-I-know-not.
I did that on the Internet. Chopra advises the reader to embrace
optimism optimism as a way to focus on G!D and good things,
to journey inward towards G!D. In the spirit of [G!D] and that
advice [which G!D hath enabled me to received - how blessed He
is! Glory be to G!D in the highest!],
I list the things which G!D [hath] gave[n] me, with gratitude:
Bingxiong's list of gifts from G!D, in His grace (which of course
is boundless. Still, attempt, yes. Effort. Striving. A pregnant word, some
say, 'striving'.)
It is the seventeenth day of the sixth month of the 106th year since
G!D gave people the comfort of a nation to call their own, regardless
of whether they honour G!D or not, or whether they seek Him, or
seek to know Him, or not.
Blessed is He who have enabled me to be literate in reading,
computing, computer operation. Who? He who hath
enabled me to be among the Believers - even me,
a worm and little one such as myself,
who stole food from shared fridges during a difficult time,
despite an obvious argument for the case that 'Food theft
is a crime' that G!D hath brought me to read at that time.
What looked like a construction to ward away thieves. And
which thief or theivess is more wicked and ungrateful than
myself? Electronic letters subsequently promised expulsion
from the residence that I was at, or
'demerit points' (which indicates how close you are from
expulsion), if the person who executed the theft was found.
A thing, that looked like a glass ball that was chopped in half
and had its guts glued onto the ceiling of the kitchen that
the shared fridge was in, did not and had not deterred me from
stealing.
I was hungry, and there was food. And, thought I to myself,
'who is there to catch me?' And it was thrilling to see who
could catch me while I was pinching bits of pastry away from
bags that I did not put into the (shared) fridge.
And yet G!D hath seen it fit to keep my very soul under His
care - and watch - so that a wicked theivess as despicable as
myself may operate a computer to tell
speak of His deeds in my life.
For as Scripture says, 'Thou shalt not steal.' Yet G!D has
seen it fit to keep me in His mercy instead of calling
fire down from Heaven upon me at the moment of my theft, or
causing the earth to open up and swallow me whole.
(And He even summoned bits of my soul that I thought I had
lost).
And Scripture comes to mind: 'You were bought with a price'.
So it seems fitting to sum up with a verse from the Bible that is
related to the Anointed One, who died to pay for the wrongdoings
of many against godliness and their very souls themselves.
'The commandments "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder,"
"Do not steal," "Do not covet," and any other commandments,
are summed up in this one decree: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
(Romans 13:9)
And at this point, G!D hath seen fit to remind or bring me
to another verse:
'Be indebted to no one, except to one another in love,
for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the Law.' (Romans 13:8).
So, if G!D is willing, I will offer - to sender of the electronic
e-mail
fellow creations of G!D who
were associated to the shared fridge that
I have stolen from - whatever that G!D hath brought into my life, and given me
freely. For as Scripture records, "'Freely you have received,' Jesus said.
Now, freely give."
(the
Anointed One called himself Son of Man, but Joseph named the
Anointed One 'Jesus' upon the visit of an angel of G!D, who
gave him instructions on what to name the new-born. And Joseph obeyed G!D.)
So, with gladness and merriment will I contact whoever G!D brings me to, who
are associated to that shared fridge, and give with as good a measure
as G!D hath used in His gifts and mercy that He hath laid upon me.
And indeed G!D hath given me a warning
yoke when he revealed the following
verses to me: 'He who has received much, much will be asked of him.'
Further, He hath warned me about the hearts and minds of men:
'Not many of you should become teachers, for we are judged more strictly
than others. And we indeed make many mistakes. If a man has no fault,
he would be a perfect man, in perfect control of his body, able to control
his body in every way.'
(James 3:1-2)
'Which is a more difficult creation? You or the Heavens?' (from the Quran)
Praise be to the Most Merciful One, who is Oft-forgiving, and
the Accepting of repentance, and Compassionate
It is the eleventh day of the second month of the 105th year
since Man built a city with G!D's help and provisions
I went to a gathering of people today,
where people talked about hearing voices,
and their experiences. J, whom I met at the
meet-up, said that the people
were sharing personal experiences,
not giving advice,
and that was a plus.
A [']Japanese woman['] talked about her
experience of sexual abuse by her father,
and her perspective on it: that it was
a dark side of her life which she accepted
as a whole, together with the 'light'.
Writer's note: she also shared that her marriage
had... problems. Well, G!D knows truth, and I do not
claim to be G!D
I was surprised to discover that her story resonated with me. What
happened sexually [or spiritually] between my [']father['] and I,
when I was a [younger] child? If something did happen, where is my
focus - is it on blaming my [']father['], or on reflecting on
what is inside me, that is causing such an
incident to be mirrored in the outside reality?
My body and feelings seem to remember, even though I do not.
I want the truth. Could it be that I could not bear it now?
I feel discarded, like I was a dirty piece or towel. I feel
jealous that my [']father['] is spending time with my [']brother['].
from the writer: Jesus said, 'You are the salt of the earth. But if salt
loses its saltiness, who can make it salty again? It is no
longer good for anything, except to be thrown away, or trampled upon.
Jesus (who called himself the Son of Man) said, 'I am the Life, the Truth
and the Way.'
Jesus said to a man, 'Come, please follow me.'
I remember that these feelings
Jesus said, 'Can a blind man lead another blind man? Would
they not soon fall into a ditch?'
I remember that these feelings are a shadow of a concrete event
from my past, and that there is a message or lesson to be learnt,
that is beneath these feelings.
Oh, Father G!D, Abba, lift these feelings so that I can learn
and learn and hear and listen! In the name of
Christ Jesus, I ask this.
How do I view my [']father[']? What aspects of him do I not like,
and what do those reflect of myself? What I dislike about
him can be found within me. He was ignorant. He is unsensitive,
cowardly, indecisive, spineless, dull, quick-tempered, slow,
boring and controlling. What does that say about me?
from the writer: Jesus, the Anointed One, died to reconcile
many to G!D, in one eternal sacrifice. One sacrifice for
all eternity, in other words. (and it is divine in nature,
a sacrifice the world cannot give.)
As Scriptures say, 'All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures
of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can
tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison.
With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men,
who have been made in God’s likeness.
Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing.
My brothers, this should not be!
Can both fresh water and bitter water flow from the same spring?
My brothers, can a fig tree grow olives, or a grapevine bear figs?
Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. [on the Wisdom from Above]
Who is wise and understanding among you?
Let him show it by his good conduct, by deeds done in the humility
that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy
and selfish ambition in your hearts,
do not boast in it or deny the truth.
Such wisdom does not come from above, but is earthly,
unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition
exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice.
But the wisdom from above is first of all pure,
then peace[-]able, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and
good fruit, impartial, and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in
peace reap the fruit of righteousness.
(James 3:7-18, BSB)
What kind of hurt or trauma or woundedness did I have, in the past,
that is lying stagnant now?