<html>
  <body>
    <p>
  So that my Father who is unseen before those of the world - my only Father - may be glorified. The
  Merciful - Most Merciful - and Compassionate One, the Accepting of repentance.
    <br/>
    And so that the commandments may be obeyed by a lowly heart and poor spirit such as myself:
    <ul>
      <li>Love G!D with all your heart, soul, spirit, body, mind and psychic power and unknown powers
        and any other powers you may have, and all your eyes - seen and unseen. This is the foundation of
        the Law and the prophets - the first and most important and greatest commandment.
      </li>
      <li>
        Love thy neighbour as yourself. This, the second commandment, is like it (the first commandment). :-)
      </li>
      <li>
        To the disciples of the Anointed One, who calls himself the Son of Man: 'this is a new commandment I give to you.
        Love one another as I have loved you. By this, the world will know that you are my disciples, when you love
        one another as I have loved you. (the 'I am', who have 
        spake unto you - 
        you who argued, among the numbers of you, 
        about who the greatest 
        among you is - and who have saith to you 
        that the greatest among you will serve you).'
      </li>
    </ul>
    <br/>
    And especially to my enemies who hath tormented me, (Man's ways all seem innocent to Him, but the LORD weighs each motive)
    so that they may have the comfort of knowing they are not alone in their emotional upheavals, if G!D accepts their repentance
    and reconciliation to G!D - for G!D knows and I do not know who or where or how or what G!D chooses to <strike>pour</strike>
    breathe
    His Spirit into. <br/>
    And as an advance: worship me not - do not worship me. I am a servant of G!D, just like you. Worship G!D. I am nothing without
    the Anointed One, Jesus, who calls himself the Son of Man, as the branch is nothing without the vine - or, as the leaf is nothing
    without the tree.
    </p>
  <p>
    Entries:
    <ul>
      <li>it is the seventeenth day of the third month of the 105th year since a nation was publicly recognised</li>
      <li>t is the fifteenth day of the second month of the 105th year since a worldly nation
    was publicly recognised.</li>
      <li>It is the 27th day of the first month of the 105th year since people found a nation
  that they had been searching for.</li>
      <li>
  It is the seventeenth day of the sixth month of the 106th year since
  G!D gave people the comfort of a nation to call their own, regardless
  of whether they honour G!D or not, or whether they seek Him, or
              seek to know Him, or not.</li>
      <li>
        It is the eleventh day of the second month of the 105th year
        since Man built a city with G!D’s help and provisions
      </li>
      <li>It is an hour that G!D knows, and I do not know.
  Yes, G!D knows, and I do not know.
      </li>
      <li>It is the thirtieth day of the tenth month of the 105th year since aliens
  were freed from oppression in a land that produces green grapes, with the help
  of G!D
      </li>
      <li>'Tis the ninth day of the eleventh month of the 2016th year since
  everybody thought an image - an image that they have of a messenger of G!D
        - died,
        in the way they think death happens.</li>
      <li>Unknown record</li>
  </ul>
  </p>
  <p>
    it is the seventeenth day of the third month of the 105th year since a nation was publicly recognised<br/>
    
    It's the twenty-third day of my challenge to eat vegetarian for forty days.
  <br />
    I went to a gathering where people talked about Christianity. At the end, I wondered, aloud, what kind of person
    G!D is. I said in the group discussion that I can't open my heart easily to Him, and told those people in the small group
    that I am of the kind who are more suspicious. Afterwards, a <strike>woman</strike> person in the group came up to me
    and said that she sensed yearning and a lot of resistance in me. She also showed me a quote by Joseph Campbell, which
    went: 'the greatest treasures are in the caves that you fear most to tread'. She asked me how I was feeling. I told her
    I felt thankful for the opportunity for discussion. I don't think that covered the depth of my feelings.
    
    I am angry. I feel anger towards G!D. Where was He when I was hurt, upset or forced to do things [under oppression]?
    How can the people at the discussion talk about G!D's plan for me, when He feels distant?
    
    I feel naked. I feel like the outcast of the group in a reality show [on television], unable and unwilling to join the
    group in their comfort, solidarity, trust and security in the group. I feel left out. I feel lonely. Most of all, I
    feel afraid. I feel afraid to trust again in someone, something or G!D himself. I feel very vulnerable.
    
    I went to a <strike>psychiatric</strike> mental-health institution to seek help, attention and resolution. I expected
    liberty, but I experienced coercion and oppression [even when I was finite in resources and energy, that is, 
    more precisely, needy, as in one of the needy or poor]. I learnt that I could not leave the ward at Acme Institute, 
    even if I wanted. [the name of the institute is masked, or anonymised - Jesus said: 'Be merciful, as your Master, who bought you for a price, 
    is merciful]. I learnt that the doctor, people who spent time with me previously (who said, "I am your father" and
    "I am your mother"), and the social worker decided where and when I would stay and/or leave the ward [in the sense that
    their approval, or authorisation, or their company, was required, for those to happen, as I had observed]. I was
    pressured into taking <strike>medication</strike> by nurses, despite my
    wishes to not consume them;
    I was threatened with an indefinite incarceration in the hospital.
    although i wanted to leave, I could not. how can people 
    say G!D has s plan  for me when G!D feels so 
    far away as I went through that?
    
    <i>from the writer: as the Quran says, even the prophets
    and the fellow who were with them, cried out, 
    'our Lord 1 where are you / verily, verily, the mercy of  g1d is near 1'
    </i>
    
    Can somebody tell me that was G1D's plan for <strike>me
    </strike>
    sure?
    
    the remark that gave me the greatest emotional impact
    was that G!D loved me unconditionally.
    
    <strike>
      It felt like a hand 
    </strike>
        <i>from the writer: 'wipe the tears from your eyes. be dismayed 
          no more. For I, the LORD G!D, have struck
          you in anger, for your sins were flagrant,
          but you- you- I will have compassion
          on you. You belong to Me, O Israel,
          though I have scattered you into
          distant lands and nations, and you
          were stricken. You belong to Me,
          and you will be with Me for-ever. <br/><br/>
          Praise be to G!D. I praise You,
          for You have shown lovingkindness,
          even to a poor spirit, a lowly heart,
          a wretch like myself.
          <br/>
          Burst into song, mountains! <br/>
          Tap-dance, trees! <br/>
          Glow and flare, o stars! <br/>
          For the LORD G!D hath redeemed for Himself
          a daughter, a son, a nation, a city!' <br/><br/>
    
          (what? would you rather G!D take angels for
          daughters, and cherubims for sons?)<br/><br/>
          
          Praise be to G!D (thank you, Daddy) 
          <br/>
          
          Wipe your tears from your eyes. 
          Do not be dismayed. <br/>
          
          Gardens of bliss, under which rivers
          flow, spouses delighting in each other,
          the objective of life, the felicity most high,
          absolute beauty, supreme over all other felicity,
          for the good pleasure of G!D, the Cherisher
          and Sustainer of the Worlds. <br/>
          
          Thou art my shepherd;
          I shall not want. <br/>
          
          I know no other Rock.
          There is none like You.
          I know no other Stone.
          I know no other G!D. <br/>
          
          Blessed is He who hath given rest to His
          people. May all nations come to know
          that our Lord is G!D, and that there
          is no other G!D other than He, and that 
          G!D is our G!D. To G!D be to the glory 
          for-ever and ever. Amen. (so it is). <br/>
    </i>
    
    <strike>It felt like a hand, gently being placed against my 
    heart.</strike>
    
    It felt like a piece of cloth being thrown against
    my face. 'You don't have to earn that love,' that person
    said. What if that was true? How can I trust G!D
    not to hurt me? How can I trust G!D to not leave
    me on my own? How can someone say, 'If you believe in
    G!D, you will go through suffering' so matter-of-factly?
    I don't want.
    
    Why does G!D make me suffer? If He is there, why does
    G!D allow people to suffer? Very briefly, I also
    wonder how we can end suffering, G!D or not.
    
    G!D. what will You do with me if I open my heart 
    to you?
    
    Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
    looking for them?
    
    <i>
    from the writer: 'I, the LORD G!D, have forgotten
      your sins, and remember them no more.
      as I said in the days of Noah after 
      the flood, I will not again cause
      another world-destroying flood.' <br/>
      "I promise
      I will never stop doing good to her, and remind
      her to fear me, and keep my commandment," saith
      G!D, the Lord of lords, and King of kings.
      <br/>
      (O LORD, our Father, you are the potter, we 
      are the clay; we are all the work of Your hands)
      <br/>
      I will never tire of praising G!D<br/>
      I praise You, oh LORD, for I am fearfully
      and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful;
      that I know full well.
    </i> <br/>
    <br/>
    [Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
    looking for them?]
    I needed those. Is it G!D? Is G!D there?
    What does G!D do to people? I felt resentful towards G!D;
    I'm not sure if I still do.
    
    <i>from the writer: the end of a thing is as powerful
      as its beginning. and the patient in spirit is superior
      to the proud in spirit. (as written in Scripture)
      <br/> I love you, G!D.<br/>
      G!D hath no begotten son,
      and has no beings attached. (as written in Scripture
      that some call "Quran")
I
    </i>
    
  </p>
  <p>
    tis to glorify the Compassionate and Most Merciful One, who is Sovereign over the Here-after,
    Lord of lords, King of kings, Creator of creators, redeemer of worms, husband to prostitutes with
    poor spirit and lowly heart, the Accepting of the repentance of wicked, ungrateful thieves
    and theivesses, the Most
    Accepting of repentance.<br/>
    Inspiration is verse in the Bible: 'Just as Jonah spent three days and nights in belly of fish,
    so, too, will the Son of Man spend three days in <strike>belly</strike> of earth'. <br />
    With G!D's help, if G!D is willing, one will help the other through a trial <strike>
    
    from</strike>
    that
    G!D
    causes. To trade stories, if you will. 'For I am strong when I am weak', as written in Scripture,
    'even though I am nothing at all [without the Anointed One,
    through whom I can do all things], and 
    so, am made to be like a fool by you - 
    you have made me to be like a fool - boasting 
    like this, even though I am nothing at all.
    I do not count myself among the most 
    eminent apostles, or the so-called super-apostles or uber-apostles. Still, I ought
    to be receiving commendations from you lot. For we of the spirit of G!D
    walk in each other's shoes, along the same path, and there
    is no male or female, Jew or Gentile,
    outsider or insider - all are one 
    through the Anointed One who calls himself Son of Man, Jesus,
    son of Mary, who conceived with the help of G!D when no man has
    laid a hand or rod on her. This is to build you up.' <br/>
    
    As a verse in
    Bible goes (yes, another Bible verse :-D ), (so grateful for Scripture), 'two is better
    than one. if one falls down, the other can help the one up. if there is only one going at
    it, that one has calamity upon them... him... her...'
    <br />
    It is the fifteenth day of the second month of the 105th year since a worldly nation
    was publicly recognised. ('For everything of the world passes away, and is passing
    away,' as Scripture has on record.)
    
    <br/>
    <br/>
    I'm frustrated at my Heavenly Father's presence,
    whenever I think about a mother-figure. It seems that He will not
    cease or stop whatever He is doing to remind me of Him when I think
    about creating a mother-figure that I have lost. <br/><br/>
    I feel grief at such a time - why? G!D, what is the message 
    behind these feelings of loss and anxiety? <br/><br/>
    I recall the octopus that I coloured rainbow, when
    I was in kindergarten [before the age of seven, as the layman
    knows it]. I felt hurt and unhappy that I had to colour it another
    colour for [the] grades. I feel frustrated and boxed in.
    I feel [like] that [feeling of] a square peg in a round
    hole. I feel furious!
    <br/><br/>
    Like Father G!D [who is in Heaven and unseen and has no beings attached],
    I created. That was an octopus
    that could only be found in the rainbow
    that formed from the dew-drops in a magical forest.
    It was an octopus that you had to call into existence,
    and to transfer to a water body large enough to contain
    it. It was killed by the teacher, who was an alien in
    disguise[,] and disliked magical beings. 
    <br/><br/>
    No matter how much I create, I won't be able to create a
    mother-figure <br/><br/>
    <i>from the writer: As written in Scripture, 'a wise son brings
      joy to his Father; a foolish son brings grief to his mother.'</i>
    <br/><br/>
    Oh G!D, I am grieving. No matter how much magic I do, I won't be
    able to get the same mother-figure, nor the memories of the times
    with her. I lost someone who could have made great memories with me
    as her son. She won't get any more memories with me.
    <br/><br/>
    <i>
      from the writer: 'I despise all those who cling on to worthless idols
      or carven images, or images of G!D, who has no beings attached.
      All those who would speak up for worthless idols are foolish fools.'
      All these can be found in Scripture, which implies you have
      to take up a quest to search, if you will, and if G!D is willing.
      'I have observed an abhor-able, horrible thing in Ephraim and Israel:
      my people prostituting themselves to other gods!' The LORD G!D says.
      
    
    <br/><br/>
      I thank G!D who hath counted me among ministry, and enabled me to me
      among the faithful.
      <br/><br/>
      I praise You, G!D, for you have shown lovingkindness. I will tell the 
      world about your wonderful deeds in my life, You who
      grant even passage of boats across oceans and unknown waters,
      and brings wealth from the sea, houses I did not build,
      rocks that I did not create, life I did not call into being,
      fruits I did not sow the seeds of, and even divine reconciliation
      to G!D and godliness, a peace that the world does not give,
      and a redemption and promise and eternity that the world cannot
      give - does not give - and You are sure to keep Your promises, O
      G!D of Truth and truth and Ruth and Naomi, who asked to be
      named Mara, which means 'bitter', for she was embittered, even
      though her name, 'Naomi', meant 'pleasant'.
      </i>
    <br/><br/>
    It seems as if G!D wants me to go to Him as He creates, not stay on my side,
    looking for Mother.
    <br/><br/>
    <i>from the writer: oh, how horrible - looking for Mother, so-called mother.
    </i>
    <br/><br/>
    Whenever the mother-figure came into my life, she is dead now. I have hardly
    any memories of her; the feeling remains in me.
    <br/><br/>
    <i>
      From the writer: No longer. Rejoice in the LORD. I say again, rejoice!
      You were bought with a price. Remember G!D's terrors, signs and wonders
      that He hath rehearsed to you. Everybody has heard about your obedience,
      and I rejoice. As the Son of Man said, 'Blessed are you who
      are mourning, for you will be comforted.'
      <br/><br/>
      As Scriptures have on record: 'little ones, continue doing what
      you are doing. Your Father approves.' <br/><br/>
      <br/><br/>
      On a related note, since came to Mind, people asked or told Jesus,
      who was teaching in a synagogue: 'Your mother and brothers and sisters
      are outside the city gates, waiting for you.' Jesus said,
      'my brothers and sisters and mother are those who obey G!D,
      and keep His commandments, and obey them.' This is in Scripture, too.
      <br/><br/>
      On yet another related note, a famous Zen saying goes,
      'When you see the Buddha, kill him! When you see your parents, kill them!'
      As fierce as that may 'sound', G!D will show you Truth and truth, if He is willing,
      and if you try your best (with all you have: your time and energy and 
      resources) to seek Him. For as Scriptures say: 'Seek ye G!D with all your
      heart, and ye shall find Me'. And as the Son of Man said
      to those who said to those who cried to him - 'We want to enter
      the kingdom of G!D, too! We want to enter into Paradise! How should we 
      do it?' - 'the road to the kingdom of G!D is a narrow one. But try your best.'
      <br/><br/>
      On yet another related note, the Buddha was asked which was more
      important: wisdom or compassion (something like lovingkindness). The Buddha
      answered: 'Effort. Effort is most important'.
      <br/><br/>
      'Brothers and sisters, I do not think I have made it my own. One thing I do:
      forgetting what lies behind, and pushing on-ward, for the upward call of G!D
      through the Anointed One, Jesus, through whom I am crucified unto the world,
      and the world unto me.' This is in Scripture, too.
    </i>
    <br/><br/>
    There is no one woman who is Her, or can compare to Her.
    <br/><br/>
    <i>From the writer: oh, how disgusting. Kimochi warui, a Japanese expression
      or pronunciation goes. Feeling a sense of despise.
      <br/><br/>
      On a related note, 'Kimochi warui' is the last line in the ending scene
      of a movie in the animated story, 'Neon Genesis Evangelion', which is
      described as 'anime (or animated stories) for adults'. The ending scene
      featured a cross that evokes a remembrance of the crucifixion of
      a famous figure. A sacrifice, scary in nature or feel, if you watch
      the scene, of the protagonist, who is somehow in a robot that
      seems to be- well, G!D knows, and I do not know. For these are worldly
      things, yet the series is popularly posited to be subtly
      touching on themes of psychology, if you believe the rumor that goes around,
      and yet Bible - Scriptures - express concern that 'I will not like
      what I see in you when I come to you, and you will not like
      what you see in me. What I will not like to see in you:
      deceitfulness, divisions, jealousies, gossip and gossips, slander,
      arrogance against godliness, and delight in wickedness.'
      So, on that note, praise be to G!D, who is true, and keeps promises
      that He makes - I prayed to G!D, the Blessed Father, Ruler of the Universe,
      who causes boats to have integrity throughout journeys and pilgrimages
      across waters, Hallowed Name, and The Almighty One, who is All-knowing,
      All-hearing, All-seeing, heard me and listened. I prayed to Him
      to remind me to fear Him always, 'for fear of G!D is the beginning
      of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and instruction, or Guidance', as Scriptures
      have on record, and He answered my prayer.
      <br/><br/>
      On a related note, the ending of the popular anime, or animated story,
      Full Metal Alchemist, featured a sacrifice of the protagonist, that is
      strikingly resonant with the death and resurrection of the dead
      that Scriptures have on record: 'unless it is what I have spoken: that
      I have hope of the resurrection of the dead'.
      <br/><br/>
      Glory be to G!D in the Highest, and peace be upon those whom G!D favours.
      Now, may the love of G!D, and the fellowship of those who are in the 
      Spirit of G!D, and the grace of the Anointed One whom we call Teacher
      and Lord, who calls himself 'Son of Man', be with you all. 
      (and so it is).
      Amen.
    </i>
  </p>
<p>
  It is the 27th day of the first month of the 105th year since people found a nation
  that they had been searching for. <br/><br/>
  I browsed through a 
  <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5523892-jesus">book</a> 
  [that is] titled 'Jesus', [and] written by Chopra D.
  <br/><br/>
  <i>from the writer: as written in the Quran, 'Enjoin what is right, avert Evil for Good
    (as Scriptures have on record: 'I want you to be wise about what
    is good, and innocent about what is evil')
    and do righteousness (righteousness? turning
    to the East or to the West is not righteousness. Obeying
    G!D, and believing in the one that G!D sends (has sent... is sending...
    has been sending... will send... on all of these things - G!D knows
    and I know not :-) ), and obeying G!D's commandments, and keeping
    them - those are righteousness, as written in the Quran).
    <br/><br/>
    Another book comes to mind: 
    <a href="https://www.amazon.com/13th-Disciple-Spiritual-Adventure/dp/0062241427">'The thirteenth disciple' 
    </a>
    or something 
    like that, from that same G!D-knows-what-he-she-they-is-and-I-know-not.
  </i>
  <br/><br/>
  I did that on the Internet. Chopra advises the reader to embrace
  optimism optimism as a way to focus on G!D and good things,
  to journey inward towards G!D. In the spirit of [G!D] and that
  advice [which G!D hath enabled me to received - how blessed He
  is! Glory be to G!D in the highest!],
  I list the things which G!D [hath] gave[n] me, with gratitude:
</br></br>
  Bingxiong's list of gifts from G!D, in His grace (which of course
is boundless. Still, attempt, yes. Effort. Striving. A pregnant word, some
say, 'striving'.)
<ul>
  <li>Woman and music
  </li>
  <li>Woman and potential to leave a legacy
  through fatherhood</li>
  <li>Woman and intellectual stimulation and discussion</li>
  <li>Woman and and poetry [haiku comes to mind]
  
  <br/><br/>
    <i>from the writer: As Scripture has on record, 'At
      a time of day or night - G!D knows, and I know not.
      yes, G!D knows, and I know not whether it was
      day or night - before that hour of morning,
      when one could tell one from the other, came,
      man and woman, who were with each other,
      separated and went their own ways
    </i>
  </li>
  <li>Woman and wisdom
  </li>
  <li>Woman and technology
  </li>
  <li>Woman and community
  </li>
  
</ul>
I was angry with G!D. I felt disappointed

<i>from the writer: Praise be to G!D. I praise You,
  because you have shown lovingkindness. As Scriptures
  have on record, 'Your Father knows
  what you want before you even ask for it.'
  </i>
I felt disappointment and pain[,] when memories began
to surface from where they were locked away, such as the passing
away of my [']paternal grand-mother and grand-father['] [who gave care
to me, at G!D-knows-where-and-when-and-I-do-not point of my 
life].
<i>from the writer: forgot. forgot. have forgotten. praise be 
  to G!D, who keeps His word in truth, and rejoices when others rejoice.
</i>
</p>

<p>
  It is the seventeenth day of the sixth month of the 106th year since
  G!D gave people the comfort of a nation to call their own, regardless
  of whether they honour G!D or not, or whether they seek Him, or
  seek to know Him, or not. <br/><br/>
  Blessed is He who have enabled me to be literate in reading,
  computing, computer operation. Who? He who hath 
  enabled me to be among the Believers - even me,
  a worm and little one such as myself, 
  who stole food from shared fridges during a difficult time,
  despite an obvious argument for the case that 'Food theft
  is a crime' that G!D hath brought me to read at that time.
  What looked like a construction to ward away thieves. And
  which thief or theivess is more wicked and ungrateful than
  myself? Electronic letters subsequently promised expulsion 
  from the residence that I was at, or
  'demerit points' (which indicates how close you are from
  expulsion), if the person who executed the theft was found.
  A thing, that looked like a glass ball that was chopped in half
  and had its guts glued onto the ceiling of the kitchen that
  the shared fridge was in, did not and had not deterred me from
  stealing. <br/>
  I was hungry, and there was food. And, thought I to myself,
  'who is there to catch me?' And it was thrilling to see who
  could catch me while I was pinching bits of pastry away from 
  bags that I did not put into the (shared) fridge. <br/>
  And yet G!D hath seen it fit to keep my very soul under His
  care - and watch - so that a wicked theivess as despicable as
  myself may operate a computer to <strike>tell</strike>
  speak of His deeds in my life.
  For as Scripture says, 'Thou shalt not steal.' Yet G!D has
  seen it fit to keep me in His mercy instead of calling
  fire down from Heaven upon me at the moment of my theft, or
  causing the earth to open up and swallow me whole.
  (And He even summoned bits of my soul that I thought I had
  lost).
  And Scripture comes to mind: 'You were bought with a price'.
  So it seems fitting to sum up with a verse from the Bible that is
  related to the Anointed One, who died to pay for the wrongdoings
  of many against godliness and their very souls themselves.
  'The commandments "Do not commit adultery," "Do not murder," 
  "Do not steal," "Do not covet," and any other commandments, 
  are summed up in this one decree: "Love your neighbor as yourself."
  <a href="http://biblehub.com/romans/13-9.htm">
  (Romans 13:9) 
  </a> <br/>
  And at this point, G!D hath seen fit to remind or bring me
  to another verse:
  'Be indebted to no one, except to one another in love, 
  for he who loves his neighbor has fulfilled the Law.' (Romans 13:8).
  <br/>
  So, if G!D is willing, I will offer - to <strike>sender of the electronic
  e-mail</strike>
  fellow creations of G!D who
  were associated to the shared fridge that 
  I have stolen from - whatever that G!D hath brought into my life, and given me
  freely. For as Scripture records, "'Freely you have received,' Jesus said.
  Now, freely give."
  (the 
  Anointed One called himself Son of Man, but Joseph named the
  Anointed One 'Jesus' upon the visit of an angel of G!D, who
  gave him instructions on what to name the new-born. And Joseph obeyed G!D.)
  So, with gladness and merriment will I contact whoever G!D brings me to, who
  are associated to that shared fridge, and give with as good a measure
  as G!D hath used in His gifts and mercy that He hath laid upon me. <br/>
  And indeed G!D hath given me a <strike>warning</strike>
  yoke when he revealed the following
  verses to me: 'He who has received much, much will be asked of him.'
  Further, He hath warned me about the hearts and minds of men:
  'Not many of you should become teachers, for we are judged more strictly
  than others. And we indeed make many mistakes. If a man has no fault,
  he would be a perfect man, in perfect control of his body, able to control
  his body in every way.' 
  <a href="http://biblehub.com/bsb/james/3.htm">
    (James 3:1-2)
    </a>
</p>
<p>
  'Which is a more difficult creation? You or the Heavens?' (from the Quran)
  <br/><br/>
  Praise be to the Most Merciful One, who is Oft-forgiving, and 
  the Accepting of repentance, and Compassionate <br/><br/>
  It is the eleventh day of the second month of the 105th year
  since Man built a city with G!D's help and provisions
  <br/>
  I went to a gathering of people today,
  where people talked about hearing voices,
  and their experiences. J, whom I met at the 
  meet-up, said that the people
  were sharing personal experiences,
  not giving advice,
  and that was a plus. <br/><br/>
  A [']Japanese woman['] talked about her
  experience of sexual abuse by her father,
  and her perspective on it: that it was 
  a dark side of her life which she accepted
  as a whole, together with the 'light'.
  <br/><br/>
  <i>Writer's note: she also shared that her marriage
    had... problems. Well, G!D knows truth, and I do not
    claim to be G!D
  </i>
  <br/><br/>
  I was surprised to discover that her story resonated with me. What 
  happened sexually [or spiritually] between my [']father['] and I,
  when I was a [younger] child? If something did happen, where is my 
  focus - is it on blaming my [']father['], or on reflecting on
  what is inside me<strike>,</strike> that is causing such an
  incident to be mirrored in the outside reality?
  <br/><br/>
  My body and feelings seem to remember, even though I do not.
  <br/><br/>
  I want the truth. Could it be that I could not bear it now?
  <br/><br/>
  I feel discarded, like I was a dirty piece or towel. I feel
  jealous that my [']father['] is spending time with my [']brother['].
  <br/><br/>
  <i>from the writer: Jesus said, 'You are the salt of the earth. But if salt
    loses its saltiness, who can make it salty again? It is no
    longer good for anything, except to be thrown away, or trampled upon.
  <br/><br/>
  Jesus (who called himself the Son of Man) said, 'I am the Life, the Truth
  and the Way.'
  <br/><br/>
  Jesus said to a man, 'Come, please follow me.'
    </i>
  I remember that these feelings 
  <br/><br/><i>Jesus said, 'Can a blind man lead another blind man? Would
  they not soon fall into a ditch?'
  </i>
  <br/><br/>
  I remember that these feelings are a shadow of a concrete event
  from my past, and that there is a message or lesson to be learnt,
  that is beneath these feelings.
  <br/><br/>
  Oh, Father G!D, Abba, lift these feelings so that I can learn
  and <strike>learn</strike> and hear and listen! In the name of 
  Christ Jesus, I ask this. <br/><br/>
  How do I view my [']father[']? What aspects of him do I not like,
  and what do those reflect of myself? What I dislike about
  him can be found within me. He was ignorant. He is unsensitive,
  cowardly, indecisive, spineless, dull, quick-tempered, slow,
  boring and controlling. What does that say about me?
  <br/><br/>
  <i>from the writer: Jesus, the Anointed One, died to reconcile 
    many to G!D, in one eternal sacrifice. One sacrifice for
    all eternity, in other words. (and it is divine in nature,
    a sacrifice the world cannot give.)<br/><br/>
    As Scriptures say, 'All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles, and creatures
    of the sea are being tamed and have been tamed by man, but no man can
    tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. 
    With the tongue we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, 
    who have been made in God’s likeness. 
    Out of the same mouth come blessing and cursing. 
    My brothers, this should not be! 
    Can both fresh water and bitter water flow from the same spring? 
    My brothers, can a fig tree grow olives, or a grapevine bear figs?
    Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water. [on the Wisdom from Above]
    Who is wise and understanding among you?
    Let him show it by his good conduct, by deeds done in the humility
    that comes from wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy 
    and selfish ambition in your hearts, 
    do not boast in it or deny the truth. 
    Such wisdom does not come from above, but is earthly,
    unspiritual, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition
    exist, there will be disorder and every evil practice.
    But the wisdom from above is first of all pure,
    then peace[-]able, gentle, accommodating, full of mercy and
    good fruit, impartial, and sincere. Peacemakers who sow in 
    peace reap the fruit of righteousness.
    <a href="http://biblehub.com/bsb/james/3.htm">
    (James 3:7-18, BSB)
       </a>
  </i>
  What kind of hurt or trauma or woundedness did I have, in the past, 
  that is lying stagnant now?
</p>
<p>
  'Do not kill your children for fear of want, for
  the LORD G!D will provide.' (from the Bible)
  <br/>
  fifteenth day of the first month 
  of the 105th year
  since a nation was 
  given a worldly comfort by the LORD, it is.
  <br/><br/>
  <i>from the writer: Praise be to G!D, who daily
    loads or lays benefits upon us, even reconciliation
    to godliness or G!D: a reconciliation that
    no one of the world can give. For as 
    Scriptures say, human effort is nothing -
    futile.
  </i>
  <br/><br/>
  I went to a lecture on Operating-Systems today.
  I also went to a talk on what it feels like
  to be dealing with 'depression' and recovery
  [from it].
  
</p>
<p>
  It is the fourteenth day of the first month
  of the 105th year since G!D let Man name a
  nation with a name that G!D taught Man
  instead of angels (whom G!D
  asked what the name was, and who said, 
  'Yes, G!D, we do not know', and who were 
  taught the name by Man when G!D commanded Man
  to teach them the name)
  <br/><br/>
  Joanna A, my [']rehabilitation counsellor['], said
  yesterday that circumstances that cause stress
  can cause a [']relapse[']. She talked about
  warning signs of a [']relapse['], and actions to
  take during a [']relapse[']. The latter includes 
  calling her, or checking myself into 
  [']hospital[']. I find it ridiculous and
  counter-intuitive that when stress arises
  [or rises] you run away from the stress-causing
  factor, rather than find ways to cope
  with it, or de-stress, such as getting enough
  sleep, or exercising regularly, or
  talking to people in support groups or
  study groups for undergraduates.
  <br/><br/>
  <i>Praise be to G!D, who rescues us from
    the mouths of the wicked, as a good shepherd
    rescues his flocks from the mouths
    of shepherds that eat mutton (or lamb
    chops) and the fattest portions
    of fattened calves, and dress themselves
    in wool, instead of feeding or tending or caring
    to flocks. Oh, G!D says, too, that He will
    ask an account of those shepherds, or hold
    them responsible for what happened, and those
    shepherds will not eat again. He will judge
    between the fat sheep and the scrawny sheep,
    G!D says. And this is in Scripture. G!D says
    He will care for His flocks Himself, and watch
    over them. And G!D is the Most Faithful
    to promises He makes. Thank you, Daddy :-)
  </i>
  <br/><br/>
  How can I fight back at [']schizophrenia[']?
  This is in contrast to improving the quality
  of life while coping with [']schizophrenia[']
  
  <br><br/>
  <i>from the writer: Ha-ha-ha (laughing).
    There is a card that has the name of
    'Schizophrenia' in the Tarot card deck.
    And G!D hath brought me to a person who
    had a Tarot card deck, and G!D hath brought
    me to draw the 'Schizophrenia' card with
    His will, which is sovereign (over all), 
    for who is better at planning than He?
    So, out of curiosity, what does so-called
    knowledge of so-called schizophrenia
    have to do with godliness? Does not the Bible
    have on record, 'Turn away from godless
    chatter, and those who have opposing ideas
    with their so-called knowledge, or 
    false knowledge?' For who knows more than G!D?
    'Who among you can tell what will happen
    tomorrow? Come, step forward, let us gather
    and argue the case. Gather you your fortune-
    tellers and diviners.' (from Scriptures).
  </i>
  <br/><br/>
  
  [How can I fight back at [']schizophrenia[']?
  This is in contrast to improving the quality
  of life while coping with [']schizophrenia[']]
  The former is pro-active, while the latter
  has a passive and sad quality to it, as if it is
  a declaration that the battle is over.
  <br/><br/>
  What do we, those of us with 'schizophrenia',
  come
  in, in this battle? Where do I come in?
  Oh, Father, help us to be more like Jesus,
  who is always available to the marginalised
  in society, and who does not seek praise: Lord,
  you said, 'My Father is greater than I'. You are
  humble, Lord. Draw me closer to you, Lord
  Jesus Christ. Through Jesus Christ[,] amen.
  <br/><br/>
  <i>from the writer: I cried out to Jehovah,
    the blessed Father who rules the Universe,
    and whose name is hallowed, and He heard me
    and listened. Even me, a wicked, ungrateful
    thievess and a prostitute with a lowly heart,
    and poor spirit - a worm! - even me.
    The song 'Amazing grace' comes to mind:
    Amazing grace / How sweet the sound / that saved
    a wretch like me / I once was lost /
    But now am found / [da-da-da-da-da]. Sing like
    never before, o my soul / 
    praise His holy name.<br/>
    G!D hath no begotten son. And G!D hath no
    beings attached. Abraham laid the foundation
    of the house when he cried out to G!D: 'Our
    Lord! Save
    me and my descendants from idol worshippers!' (from
    the Quran) <br/>
    Praise be to G!D, who brings every kind
    of fruit in boundless measure: houses I did
    not build, fruits that I did not sow seeds of.
    Wow.
    </i>
  <br/><br/>
           Someone else, who is wiser than myself,
  said that we need to pray as if it depends on G!D,
  and work as if it depends on us.
  <br/><br/>
  Go home, my people,
    and lock your doors!
Hide yourselves for a little while
    until the Lord’s anger has passed.
 Look! The Lord is coming from heaven
    to punish the people of the earth for their sins.
The earth will no longer hide those who have been killed.
    They will be brought out for all to see.
  <a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Isaiah+26%3A20-21&version=NLT">
  (Isaiah 26:20-21, New Living Translation)
  </a>
</p>
<p>
  It is the thirteenth day of the first month
  of the 105th year since a nation's prayer was heard
  by the LORD, who heard it, and answered it.
  <br/><br/>
  I went to a family therapist today. Christopher
  L was good at putting my [']father['] into a
  positive, compassionate, [and] knowledgable
  light. I was surprised that my father
  was aware of some of the dynamic[s] between
  my [']siblings['] and myself. <br/><br/>
  I feel the pressure to make every pocket of
  time count. It is as if I'm on a giant rolling
  ball, running to keep my balance. It's exciting
  to me, at this point, when the semester begins.
</p>
<p>
  It is an hour that G!D knows, and I do not know.
  Yes, G!D knows, and I do not know.
</p>
<p>
  Dear Diary,
  How are you? May peace be with you, in the name
  of the Lord, Christ Jesus. <br/>
                                 <br/>
</p>
<p>
  <i>from the writer: "They say to themselves:
    'Shall I do a detestable thing, and worship
    a block of wood (or glass or
    plastic or metal which may
    or may not
    happen to be burning my eyes)?'" (from Scriptures)
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  It is raining as I write to you: The Almighty
  releases water from the sky and how wonderful it
  is to not know when it will
  cease!
  
</p>
<p>
  When will I run out of things to say to you, Diary?
  I do not know when G!d wil take me
  to meet Christ Jesus [who died on a tree]
  in Heaven; I smile.
</p>
<p>
  A splotch of co-lour / <br/><br/>
  Al-mighty brush on canvas / <br/><br/>
  I am His wit-ness
</p>
<p><strike>Do you know of the yoke
  that</strike></p>
<p>
  Have you heard of the yoke which the apostles
  issued at Jerusalem - Paul, Peter and Barnabas?
  The rules are as follows: (there are three)
  <ol>
    <li>Do not eat b;ood
    </li>
    <li>Do not the meat
      of strangled animals
      or food offered to idols (this
      is unclean food)
    </li>
    <li>Do not take a <strike>
      prohited</strike>hand 
      of someone else, figuratively,
      in a prohibited marriage
    </li>
</ol>
</p>
<p>
  <i>From the writer: G!D is telling me
    'hold fast to the rope that G!D extends
    to you, remembering with
    gratitude how you were on the brink 
    of Fire, and how G!D rescued you
    from it, and how ye were enemies
    whose hearts G!D hath turned to
    Him, and so made you kin: brethren:
    brothers and sisters: family.'
  </i>
</p>
<p>
  How did you feel about that?
</p>
<p>When the community heard
  about that from the apostles,
  the people were encouraged and delighted,
  for they were on the brink of 
  circumcision!
</p>
<p>
  The yellow bird flew / <br/>
  past as I rolled and slid /<br/>
  the gar-den out-side
  
</p>
<p>
  Ta, (until next time) Diary!
</p>
<p>
  Unknown mark
</p>
<p>
  It is the thirtieth day of the tenth month of the 105th year since aliens
  were freed from oppression in a land that produces green grapes, with the help
  of G!D, who reminds these aliens not to oppress other aliens among them, since
  they know what it is like to be oppressed, in the land that produces green grapes,
  themselves.
</p>
<p>
  Dead tree, 
</p>
<p><i>
  from the writer: 'When they say, prophet, "Give us a sign!" say this, O prophet, "
  the signs are for G!D, who is Lord of lords, 
  Ruler of the Universe, the Almighty One,
  to reveal to those whom He chooses. And G!D reveals the Unseen in stages.' (from Scriptures
  that some call 'the Quran'). And G!D is the All-knowing, All-seeing
  and All-hearing, who knows the hearts and minds of men.. women... people
  who may or may not have a spiritual life in them, according to the will
  of G!D.
  </i>
</p>
<p>Dead tree, how old were you when you died? [what's your name?]
  Do [Oh] you have children? who were your parents? Who killed you?
  Or was it a natural death?
</p>
<p>Very little makes sense in my world, dead tree.
</p>
<p>Some part of me is thinking [or thinkin' or think'n]
  what to do with your killer, if you were killed. Another part of
  me accepts that this small mind is unable to understand everything
  everything about you and your death.
</p>
<p>
  I'm sighing. If people do kill trees, why
  do they do it? And how can they be stopped from
  doing so?
    </p>
<p>My Zen teacher [who is practising the Sanbo tradition of
  the Zen traditions, which may (or may not)
  have a tradition that is unknown to me, (why
  do I say that?
  I am not a man of great wisdom. How can I know
  whether there is a tradition that is being
  practised or not, or is Zen or not?)
  that include the Soto tradition and the Rinzai tradition.
  And G!D knows what is Zen, and I do not know. Yes,
  G!D knows, and I do not know.
</p>
<p><i>from the writer: 'Interestingly enough,
  it is a known saying among those who are related or
  associated to Zen, that the student that is just
  as bright as the teacher can pass down, or impart,
  fifty percent (that is, half of a whole thing. half
  of a thing that is whole
  ) of what
  the teacher teaches. The student has to be brighter
  than the teacher, for what the teacher is passing down 
  through the student to be passed down in full.' (laughing.
  huk-huk-huk-hur-herk) <br/>
  Jesus (who called himself the Son of Man) said, 'Truly,
  truly, I tell you, those who believe in Me shall
  do the same works as I, and even those greater than
  these.' :-)
  (as has been recorded in Scriptures)
  </i>
</p>
<p>My [']Zen['] [']teacher['] would tell me to count my breath.
If I have time for these thoughts, I'm not spending all I have
  on counting my breath, according to him.
</p>
<p><i>
  from the writer: "As it is written, in Scriptures: 'Men love
  to be called 'teacher', 'Rabbi', 'Leader', 'Instructor', 'sensei',
  'Pastor', and so on and so forth, but- (greeted in market-places,
  they love to be, too. And given the best seats in public, love they.
  And honourable places in synagogues or places where hierarchy or
  a so-called 'chain of command' or an authority or power
  distribution is obvious. Or just to have their 'name' displayed before the world,
  they love. Or ranking. Or display of their so-called 'level of power' or
  'power level' or place among rank and file.) But, you: do not desire
  to be called 'Rabbi', 'Instructor', 'Alpha' or 'Omega' or so on and so
  forth, because you have only one Instructor or Teacher, and that is the
  Christ, the one who has the Name. And all of you are brethren, or
  kin, or brothers and sisters. (And there is only one Alpha, and only
  one Omega.
  Who is He? As it is written in Scriptures, the LORD G!D says, 'I am the First
  and the Last. I am the Alpha and the Omega. Who then is like me? Who was
  with me when I created the Heavens, or separated land from sea, with Wisdom?
  Is there one who is like me? No, I know no other Rock. I know no other Stone.
  I know no other god.' LORD G!D saying, 'Who among you can tell what will happen tomorrow?
  Gather your diviners and tea-leaf-readers and fortune-tellers and palm-readers,
  and let us sit and argue the case.'" </i>
</p>
<p>
  I'm idling.
</p>
<p>
  This is a tomb-stone for you, dead tree(s): <br/>
  ===================== <br/>
  || In memory of the || <br/>
  || trees that died  || <br/>
  || so that this book|| <br/>
  || can be made      ||           v   v<br/> 
  ---------------------------------------- 
</p>
<p>
  It's what people do when their relatives die. It's also
  done to remember the deaths of people who died in war.
</p>
<p>
  <i>from the writer: 'Come, please follow Me,' Jesus said to 
    a man. 'Ok, I will follow you,' the man said,
    'But first, let me bury my father.'
    Jesus said, 'Let the spiritually dead bury the spiritually
    dead. Your duty is to preach the kingdom of G!D - the kingdom
    of Heaven.'
  </i>
    </p>
<p>
  'Tis the ninth day of the eleventh month of the 2016th year since
  people thought an image - an image that they have of a messenger of G!D - 
  died in the way they think death happens.
</p>
<p>
  Are you desiring freedom from dogma? [Mister] Jobs said in his
  address to graduates of [a certain] university that dogma is 'the 
  result of other people's thinking.' [Mister] Kodo Suzuki said, 
  'people are so determined to be stupid in groups that they
  formed clubs, and charged membership fees'.
</p>
<p>Of course, there is always
  room for doubt as to whether the above
  persons really said the things that I claim they did.
</p>
<p>
  <strike>Some</strike> guy came up with an idea for a social network,
  and decided how it was run. He made the rules, and tied his social
  network to <strike>some</strike> ideals. And people joined his network.
  <strike>some</strike> people even helped him to improve it. [paragraph break]
  Is following other people's preferences what you want to do 
  with your <strike>sack of flesh</strike> life? [paragraph break] Aren't
  the creators of popular web-sites doing what that person did? One person
  creates the rules, and others follow him[,] and [obey or otherwise 
  keep] his rules. Would people be clever enough to ask what his web-site and
  rules are good for? [paragraph break] [Mister] Suzuki asked, 'What is dancing
  around good for? What is gambling good for? It's all good for
  nothing. That's why nothing is as sensible as sitting in zazen [which is
  good for nothing].' [paragraph break]
</p>
<p><i>He (The Son of Man) said, 'I am the Way, the Truth, amd the Life.'
  </i>
</p>
<p><i>Indifference is the opposite of love, so goes a saying that appeared in my life.
  </i>
</p>
<p>([Mister] Suzuki calls some people stupid for doing stupid 
  things in a group. And yet he says that one of applications of practice
   to daily life is parental mind.
</p>
<p>My [']sister['] said [in a hypothetical situation that
  may or may not smell of emotional abuse through neglect
  or indifference on the part of the care-givers] that
  babies eat feces [partly] because they don't know that it's not
  food.
</p>
<p>A parent - what would a parent do? A parent wouldn't join the baby in eating
  feces. A parent might stop the baby.
</p>
<p><i>from the writer: "Jesus said: 'Which one among you,
  if your son comes to you, and asks you for a bread-morsel,
  or bread, would give him... her... them... a deadly dose
  of poison from the deadliest snake that you can find?
  Or, who among you would give your sons a stone, if they
  ask you for water? If, then, you, who are evil, know
  how to do good to your son, then what more, your Father -
  who is in Heaven, and rules the Universe - who is good?
  And his name is hallowed. And He is blessed.'"
  </i>
</p>
<p>It's increasingly becoming clear to me that zazen cannot
  be not good for nothing.
</p>
<p>Zazen that is good for nothing may be the most parental
  thing to pass on to suffering people. Of course you suffer
  if you eat feces, right?
</p>
    </body>
</html>