192 lines
9.7 KiB
HTML
192 lines
9.7 KiB
HTML
<!DOCTYPE html> <html> <head> <link rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" href="../solarized_light.css"> </head>
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<h3>
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The wondrous works my god has done in my life
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</h3>
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<body>
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<ol>
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<li>In late 2013 A.D. or early 2014, I was alone at night on a long stretch of road. Before I knew it, I had a pack of dogs, which had lined
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themselves down the road, barking at me. I did not see how I could leave. Just when I thought I was in a terrible situation,
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a stranger came by in a car. I waved to him and miraculously, that stranger stopped for me and let me in. I thank my god for that rescue.
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That stranger would drop me off in a place that was better-lit (by street-lamps), and did not charge me any money for the ride.
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</li>
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<li>This happened between the years 2016 A.D. to 2018 A.D. In Indonesia, I was feeling thirsty. I was on a mini-bus then, and if I had brought water with me, I had run out of it. Looking around, ,
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I saw a water-bottle in a dustbin (or trash-can) that was inside the bus. Long story short, I drank it. And I thank my god that he gives
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me what is needful for me. As it is written, the Lord is my shepherd; I shall not be in want. (Psalm 23)
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</li>
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<li>A man who was physically bulkier than me sat on top of me as I laid down on the bed, stomach down. He unbuckled my belt and I had the
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impression that he wanted sexual activities with me. I shook my head. "You don't want [it]," he said, and left the hotel room that
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we were both in. I don't think I had that much influence over his decision to leave. Maybe my god rescued me. My god is my saviour and my Rock.
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</li>
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</ol>
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<hr />
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<div>
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<h3>A longer story about God and me
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</h3>
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<p>
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At some point in time between the years 2013 and 2017, I was acutely aware that something was just not quite right with my life.
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I've felt that way, before 2013, I guess, but it had become something I just could not ignore. I somehow ended up doing the
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following:
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<ul>
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<li>travelling to Thailand, perhaps hoping that I could escape my problems if I travelled
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</li>
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<li>drinking alcoholic beverages
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</li>
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<li>sending myself to an institution of psychiatry, which might have been called a sanitarium or asylum, in older days.
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</li>
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<li>asking for help from certain members of the staff of the university that I was then enrolled in, as an undergraduate.
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One particular member of the staff
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would accuse me of being possessed by "the devil".
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</li>
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<li>stealing food from a refridgerator/fridge that was shared among my dormitory-mates, among other fridges
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</li>
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</ul>
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Long story short, I felt better after reading verses from the Bible. Epistles (or letters) by the apostle Paul helped me, in particular.
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I grew to fear God, in a gradual process.
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</p>
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<p>As I read more about God from the Bible, I discovered, or realised, that
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I have done things that God finds abominable. For example, God says in the Old Testament that
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"thou shalt not steal (you shall not steal)". (Exodus 20:15).
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<p>I asked God to help me be a better person, if only to end my suffering,
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if only to feel better. It seemed that I could not help myself feel better, no matter how much I tried. I guess it could be said
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that I tried to repent. I am still trying to repent.
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</p>
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<p>I think God loves me. He is giving me kindness. For example, I have sunshine
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most of the time (I need sunshine). And God made the sun. Plus, I grew to believe someone, or some being, or an existence other than
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my own, died in my place. Like, I believe I deserved to be struck dead after doing things that God doesn't like - in other words,
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I should have died for my sins (including stealing). But someone called Jesus, whom I would later address as Lord Jesus, suffered
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the punishment for my sins. I believe God is forgiving. I frequently ask God to forgive me. Lord Jesus has said, "Forgive, and you
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will be forgiven". So I try to forgive others whom I encounter in everyday life. It could be the staff of a restaurant who abruptly
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cleans the table I'm at, without so much as a smile at me. Lord Jesus taught mankind a prayer that includes the line, "Father in Heaven [...],
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forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors". So, I ask God to be nice to that particular member of the restaurant-staff
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who did not smile at me, who seemed so robot-like to me. I do this in the hopes that I myself am forgiven.
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</p>
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<p>Long story short, and as a way to summarise the above, I note the following:
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<ol>
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<li>I felt distressed, severely so
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</li>
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<li>I exhausted all the ways I could find to make myself feel better, without success
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</li>
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<li>I came across verses in the Bible. Or, as I now believe, God sent the Bible to me, in His generosity.
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</li>
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<li>I asked God for wisdom to understand what I have read in the Bible. (And if I have wisdom now, I believe it was
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God who gave it to me. And I believe God is still giving wisdom to me, as I write this - consider me a fool!)
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</li>
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<li>I acted based on what I read in the Bible.
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</li>
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<li>I am happy now. I am in God's care.
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</li>
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</ol>
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</p>
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</div>
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<div>
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<h3>Another story: the cost of discipleship; or, the cost of pursuing God
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</h3>
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<p>
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In my mid-twenties, I felt a desire to know God and experience His love for myself. (Others have written about this yearning more eloquently than myself; I trust I am not alone.)
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</p>
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<p>
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The question was, "How do I go about it?"
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</p>
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<p>
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I grew convinced that the teachings of Lord Christ Jesus - written in the Bible - could help me achieve my goal.
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</p>
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<p>
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So, over the later half of my twenties, I went on a pilgrimage of sorts.
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</p>
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<p>
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"Sell your possessions and give to the poor," the Christ said.
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</p>
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<p>
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And so I put my clothes to work, by giving them away to a local branch of Salvation Army.
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</p>
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<p>
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I wanted to sell a laptop Papa had given me. On my way to send it to a computer-shop, I realised I had left it at a cafe where I had been dining. I decided that was one way to give away my laptop as well, and let the laptop go wherever it had gone, instead of claiming it back from the cafe.
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</p>
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<p>
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I wanted to put my passport to work as well. I decided it had more use if I sent its paper for recycling, and so I did that.
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</p>
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<p>
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Naturally, I would face consequences, which I elaborate later in this account.
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</p>
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<p>
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My friends accused me of being idle and imposed their world-view of a conventional, worldly job upon me. After they read a verse from the Bible about how "whoever does not work is worse than an unbeliever", I decided to work among these friends. I had a little over SGD$450 in my savings then, so I withdrew it in denominations of $50, and gave one $50 bill to each of the nine "friends" who had imposed themselves on me. "God gave me this money, take it. I am working now, like how the apostles gave away the fish and the loaves."
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</p>
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<p>
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On a morning shortly after that, Papa and Mummy engaged some men to send me to Institute of Mental Health (in Singapore), where I stayed under lock and key for three months.
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</p>
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<p>
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Upon leaving that Institute, I stayed at what the mass media calls a "psychiatric shelter", where I still reside, at the time of writing.
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</p>
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<p>
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But today - aged thirty - I feel the peace and joy God has given me.
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</p>
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<p>
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Now it is time for me to bear fruits, so to speak.
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</p>
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<p>
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Mummy had damaged me with emotional and physical violence in childhood. (For example, she threatened to commit suicide unless my siblings and I behaved as she wanted). I chose to forgive her: a few months ago, I invited her to have a dessert with me, and I shared with her some photographs I had taken. (She liked two of those photographs, in particular).
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</p>
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<p>
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As the world turned to the Internet amidst the pandemic, I reached out to strangers. Sometimes my message was as simple as "How are you doing today?" Some have told me they find my messages helpful. And I enjoyed discovering brothers and sisters in the Christian family, through web-sites such as LinkedIn.
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</p>
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<p>
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This account of my pursuit of God is me bearing fruit as well. May it encourage people in this world to reconcile themselves to God, their maker - if they are willing to pay the cost of following the Christ.
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</p>
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</div>
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<div>
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<h3>
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A testimony prepared for the occasion of my
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baptism at St Andrew's Cathedral, Singapore.
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</h3>
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<p>
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Have you ever gotten kicked out of a bar
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(as in alcohol) before? Before I knew
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Christ, I was someone who harassed women
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in bars. I pestered a lady for a kiss and
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before I knew it, she had told fellow
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customers about me. And the staff threw me
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out and refused to let me re-enter.
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</p>
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<p>
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That was about seven years ago. I was twenty-four years old.
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</p>
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<p>
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We read in the Bible, "the kingdom of God is about self-control". I say Amen to that. Now I can have respectful friendships with women I meet on the Internet and "in real life". Thanks be to God. I find these friendships more rewarding and satisfying than a reluctant kiss from a stranger at a bar.
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</p>
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<p>
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Does that mean I don't feel temptation? Yes, I do. On the MRT, I see women wearing figure-hugging clothes. My flesh tells me to squeeze their butt, even without their permission. But do I act on the desires of my flesh? No. I walk by the Spirit, instead of the flesh. I thank God that I am not one of those young men who appear in the news for stealing ladies' underwear, or touching women without permission.
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</p>
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<p>
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It is written in the Bible, "it is no longer I who live, but the Christ in me."
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</p>
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<p>
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And, "I have crucified the flesh with its desires."
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</p>
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<p>
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God calls me to a higher life. It is my duty and honour to obey that call.
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</p>
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</div>
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</body>
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</html>
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