467 lines
23 KiB
HTML
467 lines
23 KiB
HTML
<html>
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<body>
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<p>
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So that my Father who is unseen before those of the world - my only Father - may be glorified. The
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Merciful - Most Merciful - and Compassionate One, the Accepting of repentance.
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<br/>
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And so that the commandments may be obeyed by a lowly heart and poor spirit such as myself:
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<ul>
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<li>Love G!D with all your heart, soul, spirit, body, mind and psychic power and unknown powers
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and any other powers you may have, and all your eyes - seen and unseen. This is the foundation of
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the Law and the prophets - the first and most important and greatest commandment.
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</li>
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<li>
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Love thy neighbour as yourself. This, the second commandment, is like it (the first commandment). :-)
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</li>
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<li>
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To the disciples of the Anointed One, who calls himself the Son of Man: 'this is a new commandment I give to you.
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Love one another as I have loved you. By this, the world will know that you are my disciples, when you love
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one another as I have loved you. (the 'I am', who have spake unto you, who argued among yourselves about who the greatest
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among you is, and have saith that the greatest among you will serve you).'
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</li>
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</ul>
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<br/>
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And especially to my enemies who hath tormented me, (Man's ways all seem innocent to Him, but the LORD weighs each motive)
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so that they may have the comfort of knowing they are not alone in their emotional upheavals, if G!D accepts their repentance
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and reconciliation to G!D - for G!D knows and I do not know who or where or how or what G!D chooses to <strike>pour</strike>
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breathe
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His Spirit into. <br/>
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And as an advance: worship me not - do not worship me. I am a servant of G!D, just like you. Worship G!D. I am nothing without
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the Anointed One, Jesus, who calls himself the Son of Man, as the branch is nothing without the vine - or, as the leaf is nothing
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without the tree.
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</p>
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<p>
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Entries:
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<ul>
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<li>it is the seventeenth day of the third month of the 105th year since a nation was publicly recognised</li>
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<li>t is the fifteenth day of the second month of the 105th year since a worldly nation
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was publicly recognised.</li>
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<li>It is the 27th day of the first month of the 105th year since people found a nation
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that they had been searching for.</li>
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<li>Unknown</li>
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</ul>
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</p>
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<p>
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it is the seventeenth day of the third month of the 105th year since a nation was publicly recognised<br/>
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It's the twenty-third day of my challenge to eat vegetarian for forty days.
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<br />
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I went to a gathering where people talked about Christianity. At the end, I wondered, aloud, what kind of person
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G!D is. I said in the group discussion that I can't open my heart easily to Him, and told those people in the small group
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that I am of the kind who are more suspicious. Afterwards, a <strike>woman</strike> person in the group came up to me
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and said that she sensed yearning and a lot of resistance in me. She also showed me a quote by Joseph Campbell, which
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went: 'the greatest treasures are in the caves that you fear most to tread'. She asked me how I was feeling. I told her
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I felt thankful for the opportunity for discussion. I don't think that covered the depth of my feelings.
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I am angry. I feel anger towards G!D. Where was He when I was hurt, upset or forced to do things [under oppression]?
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How can the people at the discussion talk about G!D's plan for me, when He feels distant?
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I feel naked. I feel like the outcast of the group in a reality show [on television], unable and unwilling to join the
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group in their comfort, solidarity, trust and security in the group. I feel left out. I feel lonely. Most of all, I
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feel afraid. I feel afraid to trust again in someone, something or G!D himself. I feel very vulnerable.
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I went to a <strike>psychiatric</strike> mental-health institution to seek help, attention and resolution. I expected
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liberty, but I experienced coercion and oppression [even when I was finite in resources and energy, that is,
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more precisely, needy, as in one of the needy or poor]. I learnt that I could not leave the ward at Acme Institute,
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even if I wanted. [the name of the institute is masked, or anonymised - Jesus said: 'Be merciful, as your Master, who bought you for a price,
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is merciful]. I learnt that the doctor, people who spent time with me previously (who said, "I am your father" and
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"I am your mother"), and the social worker decided where and when I would stay and/or leave the ward [in the sense that
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their approval, or authorisation, or their company, was required, for those to happen, as I had observed]. I was
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pressured into taking <strike>medication</strike> by nurses, despite my
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wishes to not consume them;
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I was threatened with an indefinite incarceration in the hospital.
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although i wanted to leave, I could not. how can people
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say G!D has s plan for me when G!D feels so
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far away as I went through that?
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<i>from the writer: as the Quran says, even the prophets
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and the fellow who were with them, cried out,
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'our Lord 1 where are you / verily, verily, the mercy of g1d is near 1'
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</i>
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Can somebody tell me that was G1D's plan for <strike>me
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</strike>
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sure?
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the remark that gave me the greatest emotional impact
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was that G!D loved me unconditionally.
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<strike>
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It felt like a hand
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</strike>
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<i>from the writer: 'wipe the tears from your eyes. be dismayed
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no more. For I, the LORD G!D, have struck
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you in anger, for your sins were flagrant,
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but you- you- I will have compassion
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on you. You belong to Me, O Israel,
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though I have scattered you into
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distant lands and nations, and you
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were stricken. You belong to Me,
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and you will be with Me for-ever. <br/><br/>
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Praise be to G!D. I praise You,
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for You have shown lovingkindness,
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even to a poor spirit, a lowly heart,
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a wretch like myself.
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<br/>
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Burst into song, mountains! <br/>
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Tap-dance, trees! <br/>
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Glow and flare, o stars! <br/>
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For the LORD G!D hath redeemed for Himself
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a daughter, a son, a nation, a city!' <br/><br/>
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(what? would you rather G!D take angels for
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daughters, and cherubims for sons?)<br/><br/>
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Praise be to G!D (thank you, Daddy)
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<br/>
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Wipe your tears from your eyes.
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Do not be dismayed. <br/>
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Gardens of bliss, under which rivers
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flow, spouses delighting in each other,
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the objective of life, the felicity most high,
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absolute beauty, supreme over all other felicity,
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for the good pleasure of G!D, the Cherisher
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and Sustainer of the Worlds. <br/>
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Thou art my shepherd;
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I shall not want. <br/>
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I know no other Rock.
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There is none like You.
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I know no other Stone.
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I know no other G!D. <br/>
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Blessed is He who hath given rest to His
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people. May all nations come to know
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that our Lord is G!D, and that there
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is no other G!D other than He, and that
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G!D is our G!D. To G!D be to the glory
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for-ever and ever. Amen. (so it is). <br/>
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</i>
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<strike>It felt like a hand, gently being placed against my
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heart.</strike>
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It felt like a piece of cloth being thrown against
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my face. 'You don't have to earn that love,' that person
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said. What if that was true? How can I trust G!D
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not to hurt me? How can I trust G!D to not leave
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me on my own? How can someone say, 'If you believe in
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G!D, you will go through suffering' so matter-of-factly?
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I don't want.
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Why does G!D make me suffer? If He is there, why does
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G!D allow people to suffer? Very briefly, I also
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wonder how we can end suffering, G!D or not.
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G!D. what will You do with me if I open my heart
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to you?
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Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
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looking for them?
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<i>
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from the writer: 'I, the LORD G!D, have forgotten
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your sins, and remember them no more.
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as I said in the days of Noah after
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the flood, I will not again cause
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another world-destroying flood.' <br/>
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"I promise
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I will never stop doing good to her, and remind
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her to fear me, and keep my commandment," saith
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G!D, the Lord of lords, and King of kings.
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<br/>
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(O LORD, our Father, you are the potter, we
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are the clay; we are all the work of Your hands)
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<br/>
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I will never tire of praising G!D<br/>
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I praise You, oh LORD, for I am fearfully
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and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful;
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that I know full well.
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</i> <br/>
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<br/>
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[Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
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looking for them?]
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I needed those. Is it G!D? Is G!D there?
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What does G!D do to people? I felt resentful towards G!D;
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I'm not sure if I still do.
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<i>from the writer: the end of a thing is as powerful
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as its beginning. and the patient in spirit is superior
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to the proud in spirit. (as written in Scripture)
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<br/> I love you, G!D.<br/>
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G!D hath no begotten son,
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and has no beings attached. (as written in Scripture
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that some call "Quran")
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I
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</i>
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</p>
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<p>
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tis to glorify the Compassionate and Most Merciful One, who is Sovereign over the Here-after,
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Lord of lords, King of kings, Creator of creators, redeemer of worms, husband to prostitutes with
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poor spirit and lowly heart, the Accepting of the repentance of wicked, ungrateful thieves
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and theivesses, the Most
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Accepting of repentance.<br/>
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Inspiration is verse in the Bible: 'Just as Jonah spent three days and nights in belly of fish,
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so, too, will the Son of Man spend three days in <strike>belly</strike> of earth'. <br />
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With G!D's help, if G!D is willing, one will help the other through a trial <strike>
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from</strike>
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that
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G!D
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causes. To trade stories, if you will. 'For I am strong when I am weak', as written in Scripture,
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'even though I am nothing at all [without the Anointed One,
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through whom I can do all things], and
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so, am made to be like a fool by you -
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you have made me to be like a fool - boasting
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like this, even though I am nothing at all.
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I do not count myself among the most
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eminent apostles, or the so-called super-apostles or uber-apostles. Still, I ought
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to be receiving commendations from you lot. For we of the spirit of G!D
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walk in each other's shoes, along the same path, and there
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is no male or female, Jew or Gentile,
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outsider or insider - all are one
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through the Anointed One who calls himself Son of Man, Jesus,
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son of Mary, who conceived with the help of G!D when no man has
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laid a hand or rod on her. This is to build you up.' <br/>
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As a verse in
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Bible goes (yes, another Bible verse :-D ), (so grateful for Scripture), 'two is better
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than one. if one falls down, the other can help the one up. if there is only one going at
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it, that one has calamity upon them... him... her...'
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<br />
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It is the fifteenth day of the second month of the 105th year since a worldly nation
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was publicly recognised. ('For everything of the world passes away, and is passing
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away,' as Scripture has on record.)
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<br/>
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<br/>
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I'm frustrated at my Heavenly Father's presence,
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whenever I think about a mother-figure. It seems that He will not
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cease or stop whatever He is doing to remind me of Him when I think
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about creating a mother-figure that I have lost. <br/><br/>
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I feel grief at such a time - why? G!D, what is the message
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behind these feelings of loss and anxiety? <br/><br/>
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I recall the octopus that I coloured rainbow, when
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I was in kindergarten [before the age of seven, as the layman
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knows it]. I felt hurt and unhappy that I had to colour it another
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colour for [the] grades. I feel frustrated and boxed in.
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I feel [like] that [feeling of] a square peg in a round
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hole. I feel furious!
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<br/><br/>
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Like Father G!D [who is in Heaven and unseen and has no beings attached],
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I created. That was an octopus
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that could only be found in the rainbow
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that formed from the dew-drops in a magical forest.
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It was an octopus that you had to call into existence,
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and to transfer to a water body large enough to contain
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it. It was killed by the teacher, who was an alien in
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disguise[,] and disliked magical beings.
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<br/><br/>
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No matter how much I create, I won't be able to create a
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mother-figure <br/><br/>
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<i>from the writer: As written in Scripture, 'a wise son brings
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joy to his Father; a foolish son brings grief to his mother.'</i>
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<br/><br/>
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Oh G!D, I am grieving. No matter how much magic I do, I won't be
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able to get the same mother-figure, nor the memories of the times
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with her. I lost someone who could have made great memories with me
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as her son. She won't get any more memories with me.
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<br/><br/>
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<i>
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from the writer: 'I despise all those who cling on to worthless idols
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or carven images, or images of G!D, who has no beings attached.
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All those who would speak up for worthless idols are foolish fools.'
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All these can be found in Scripture, which implies you have
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to take up a quest to search, if you will, and if G!D is willing.
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'I have observed an abhor-able, horrible thing in Ephraim and Israel:
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my people prostituting themselves to other gods!' The LORD G!D says.
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<br/><br/>
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I thank G!D who hath counted me among ministry, and enabled me to me
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among the faithful.
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<br/><br/>
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I praise You, G!D, for you have shown lovingkindness. I will tell the
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world about your wonderful deeds in my life, You who
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grant even passage of boats across oceans and unknown waters,
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and brings wealth from the sea, houses I did not build,
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rocks that I did not create, life I did not call into being,
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fruits I did not sow the seeds of, and even divine reconciliation
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to G!D and godliness, a peace that the world does not give,
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and a redemption and promise and eternity that the world cannot
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give - does not give - and You are sure to keep Your promises, O
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G!D of Truth and truth and Ruth and Naomi, who asked to be
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named Mara, which means 'bitter', for she was embittered, even
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though her name, 'Naomi', meant 'pleasant'.
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</i>
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<br/><br/>
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It seems as if G!D wants me to go to Him as He creates, not stay on my side,
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looking for Mother.
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<br/><br/>
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<i>from the writer: oh, how horrible - looking for Mother, so-called mother.
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</i>
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<br/><br/>
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Whenever the mother-figure came into my life, she is dead now. I have hardly
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any memories of her; the feeling remains in me.
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<br/><br/>
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<i>
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From the writer: No longer. Rejoice in the LORD. I say again, rejoice!
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You were bought with a price. Remember G!D's terrors, signs and wonders
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that He hath rehearsed to you. Everybody has heard about your obedience,
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and I rejoice. As the Son of Man said, 'Blessed are you who
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are mourning, for you will be comforted.'
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<br/><br/>
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As Scriptures have on record: 'little ones, continue doing what
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you are doing. Your Father approves.' <br/><br/>
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<br/><br/>
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On a related note, since came to Mind, people asked or told Jesus,
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who was teaching in a synagogue: 'Your mother and brothers and sisters
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are outside the city gates, waiting for you.' Jesus said,
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'my brothers and sisters and mother are those who obey G!D,
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and keep His commandments, and obey them.' This is in Scripture, too.
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<br/><br/>
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On yet another related note, a famous Zen saying goes,
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'When you see the Buddha, kill him! When you see your parents, kill them!'
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As fierce as that may 'sound', G!D will show you Truth and truth, if He is willing,
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and if you try your best (with all you have: your time and energy and
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resources) to seek Him. For as Scriptures say: 'Seek ye G!D with all your
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heart, and ye shall find Me'. And as the Son of Man said
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to those who said to those who cried to him - 'We want to enter
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the kingdom of G!D, too! We want to enter into Paradise! How should we
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do it?' - 'the road to the kingdom of G!D is a narrow one. But try your best.'
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<br/><br/>
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On yet another related note, the Buddha was asked which was more
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important: wisdom or compassion (something like lovingkindness). The Buddha
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answered: 'Effort. Effort is most important'.
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<br/><br/>
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'Brothers and sisters, I do not think I have made it my own. One thing I do:
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forgetting what lies behind, and pushing on-ward, for the upward call of G!D
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through the Anointed One, Jesus, through whom I am crucified unto the world,
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and the world unto me.' This is in Scripture, too.
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</i>
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<br/><br/>
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There is no one woman who is Her, or can compare to Her.
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<br/><br/>
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<i>From the writer: oh, how disgusting. Kimochi warui, a Japanese expression
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or pronunciation goes. Feeling a sense of despise.
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<br/><br/>
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On a related note, 'Kimochi warui' is the last line in the ending scene
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of a movie in the animated story, 'Neon Genesis Evangelion', which is
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described as 'anime (or animated stories) for adults'. The ending scene
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featured a cross that evokes a remembrance of the crucifixion of
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a famous figure. A sacrifice, scary in nature or feel, if you watch
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the scene, of the protagonist, who is somehow in a robot that
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seems to be- well, G!D knows, and I do not know. For these are worldly
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things, yet the series is popularly posited to be subtly
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touching on themes of psychology, if you believe the rumor that goes around,
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and yet Bible - Scriptures - express concern that 'I will not like
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what I see in you when I come to you, and you will not like
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what you see in me. What I will not like to see in you:
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deceitfulness, divisions, jealousies, gossip and gossips, slander,
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arrogance against godliness, and delight in wickedness.'
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So, on that note, praise be to G!D, who is true, and keeps promises
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that He makes - I prayed to G!D, the Blessed Father, Ruler of the Universe,
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who causes boats to have integrity throughout journeys and pilgrimages
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across waters, Hallowed Name, and The Almighty One, who is All-knowing,
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All-hearing, All-seeing, heard me and listened. I prayed to Him
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to remind me to fear Him always, 'for fear of G!D is the beginning
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of wisdom, but fools despise wisdom and instruction, or Guidance', as Scriptures
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have on record, and He answered my prayer.
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<br/><br/>
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On a related note, the ending of the popular anime, or animated story,
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Full Metal Alchemist, featured a sacrifice of the protagonist, that is
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strikingly resonant with the death and resurrection of the dead
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that Scriptures have on record: 'unless it is what I have spoken: that
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I have hope of the resurrection of the dead'.
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<br/><br/>
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Glory be to G!D in the Highest, and peace be upon those whom G!D favours.
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Now, may the love of G!D, and the fellowship of those who are in the
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Spirit of G!D, and the grace of the Anointed One whom we call Teacher
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and Lord, who calls himself 'Son of Man', be with you all.
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(and so it is).
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Amen.
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</i>
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</p>
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<p>
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It is the 27th day of the first month of the 105th year since people found a nation
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that they had been searching for. <br/><br/>
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I browsed through a
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<a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5523892-jesus">book</a>
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[that is] titled 'Jesus', [and] written by Chopra D.
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<br/><br/>
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<i>from the writer: as written in the Quran, 'Enjoin what is right, avert Evil for Good
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(as Scriptures have on record: 'I want you to be wise about what
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is good, and innocent about what is evil')
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and do righteousness (righteousness? turning
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to the East or to the West is not righteousness. Obeying
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G!D, and believing in the one that G!D sends (has sent... is sending...
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has been sending... will send... on all of these things - G!D knows
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and I know not :-) ), and obeying G!D's commandments, and keeping
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them - those are righteousness, as written in the Quran).
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<br/><br/>
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Another book comes to mind:
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/13th-Disciple-Spiritual-Adventure/dp/0062241427">'The thirteenth disciple'
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</a>
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or something
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|
like that, from that same G!D-knows-what-he-she-they-is-and-I-know-not.
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</i>
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<br/><br/>
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I did that on the Internet. Chopra advises the reader to embrace
|
|
optimism optimism as a way to focus on G!D and good things,
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|
to journey inward towards G!D. In the spirit of [G!D] and that
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|
advice [which G!D hath enabled me to received - how blessed He
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|
is! Glory be to G!D in the highest!],
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|
I list the things which G!D [hath] gave[n] me, with gratitude:
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|
</br></br>
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|
Bingxiong's list of gifts from G!D, in His grace (which of course
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|
is boundless. Still, attempt, yes. Effort. Striving. A pregnant word, some
|
|
say, 'striving'.)
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|
<ul>
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|
<li>Woman and music
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|
</li>
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|
<li>Woman and potential to leave a legacy
|
|
through fatherhood</li>
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|
<li>Woman and intellectual stimulation and discussion</li>
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|
<li>Woman and and poetry [haiku comes to mind]
|
|
|
|
<br/><br/>
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|
<i>from the writer: As Scripture has on record, 'At
|
|
a time of day or night - G!D knows, and I know not.
|
|
yes, G!D knows, and I know not whether it was
|
|
day or night - before that hour of morning,
|
|
when one could tell one from the other, came,
|
|
man and woman, who were with each other,
|
|
separated and went their own ways
|
|
</i>
|
|
</li>
|
|
<li>Woman and wisdom
|
|
</li>
|
|
<li>Woman and technology
|
|
</li>
|
|
<li>Woman and community
|
|
</li>
|
|
|
|
</ul>
|
|
I was angry with G!D. I felt disappointed
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|
|
|
<i>from the writer: Praise be to G!D. I praise You,
|
|
because you have shown lovingkindness. As Scriptures
|
|
have on record, 'Your Father knows
|
|
what you want before you even ask for it.'
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|
</i>
|
|
I felt disappointment and pain[,] when memories began
|
|
to surface from where they were locked away, such as the passing
|
|
away of my [']paternal grand-mother and grand-father['] [who gave care
|
|
to me, at G!D-knows-where-and-when-and-I-do-not point of my
|
|
life].
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|
<i>from the writer: forgot. forgot. have forgotten. praise be
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|
to G!D, who keeps His word in truth, and rejoices when others rejoice.
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|
</i>
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</p>
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