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vilmibm 2023-08-31 19:46:51 +00:00
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@ -13,11 +13,11 @@ I remember two distinct visualizations. One was of sitting in a massive room sur
My therapist used somatic techniques to help me calm and focus; I ended up visualizing these, too. For example I would close my eyes and imagine the wall of TVs but also imagine whatever somatic distraction he had goinga candle, an aroma, a soundin my consciousness too. I would imagine looking from the TV wall away at the distraction. The effect was to be aware of the TV wall “behind” me but focusing on the somatic distraction. This was super helpful and led to my being able to calm myself on a more regular basis.
I dont remember when but at some point during the pandemic I was reflecting on how these room metaphors had helped so much with my therapy. I took stock of the various “rooms” that I had come up with and at this point was reminded of another interest of mine: MUDs. A MUD maps out a world in terms of “rooms” which have connections between them. So from some starting room (often called a foyer) you could go north to somewhere or east to somewhere and then so on. I dont know why but I decided to build a MUD in my head using my space visualization therapy techniques.
I dont remember when but at some point during the pandemic I was reflecting on how these room metaphors had helped so much with my therapy. I took stock of the various “rooms” that I had come up with and at this point was reminded of another interest of mine: (LINK https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Multi-user_dungeon MUDs). A MUD maps out a world in terms of “rooms” which have connections between them. So from some starting room (often called a foyer) you could go north to somewhere or east to somewhere and then so on. I dont know why but I decided to build a MUD in my head using my space visualization therapy techniques.
I started with a foyer. It has a tiled floor with black and white checkering, dark wood panel walls with red velvet padding, a rosewood hat rack, and a plain wooden chair.
North from there there is an entry hallway with a similar aesthetic. It has doors to the north, east, and west and a staircase up. The door east opens into a WWI era trench. I go here in times of crisis and hunker into a dugout while artillery explodes and bullets fly overhead. To the west is the pillow room which is warm but not hot, fragrant but not reeking, and absolutely stuffed with pillows. I go here when Im allowing myself to relax.
North from there there is an entry hallway with a similar aesthetic. It has doors to the north, east, and west and a staircase up. The door east opens into a (LINK https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_War_I#/media/File:Cheshire_Regiment_trench_Somme_1916.jpg WWI era trench). I go here in times of crisis and hunker into a dugout while artillery explodes and bullets fly overhead. To the west is the pillow room which is warm but not hot, fragrant but not reeking, and absolutely stuffed with pillows. I go here when Im allowing myself to relax.
Up the stairs is a long landing with doors along the wall. The first door is the room of constant suffering. In this room I cant close my eyes and everywhere I look is a gilded framed picture playing out the worst scenes I can imagine (like Salo x 100). I can hear an incessant, surrounding wall of screaming anguish and the harshest feedback. I dont really choose to go in here. I just find myself in here during panic attacks.