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| post | Content warning: emotional blackmail |
Content warning: emotional blackmail.
"If you don't do what I want you to, I'll kill myself."
My mother said that to me when I was ten years old or younger. Yes, my mother. I didn't know what to do. I didn't even think to call the police. My siblings - a younger brother and a younger sister - were there as well.
"Well? Do you want me to jump down from nine storeys high, or not? Shall I do it now?"
My brother and I refused to give in. But my sister rushed to Mummy and said, sobbing: "I love you, Mummy, please don't jump."
Fast forward to my fifteen-year-old self: I came in first in my cohort, in academic performance.
At twenty-three years old: I felt unwell (mentally or otherwise). My university class-mates started avoiding me.
Now, at thirty years old: Looking back, it was hardly surprising that I suffered a break-down. I had to attend to my wounds - emotional or otherwise - from my childhood. All those years, I had been avoiding it, pretending everything was fine. Now I feel much better, thanks to a Biblical God. And I wish - and practise - kindness towards my mother, because that's what my god wants.
If you're suffering similarly right now, I hope my message encourages you.