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To G!D be ever-lasting glory 

Amen. Praise be to G!D.
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and reconciliation to G!D - for G!D knows and I do not know who or where or how or what G!D chooses to <strike>pour</strike>
breathe
His Spirit into. <br/>
And as an advance: worship me not - do not worship me. I am a servant of G!D, just like you. Worship G!D
And as an advance: worship me not - do not worship me. I am a servant of G!D, just like you. Worship G!D. I am nothing without
the Anointed One, Jesus, who calls himself the Son of Man, as the branch is nothing without the vine - or, as the leaf is nothing
without the tree.
</p>
<p>
it is the seventeenth day of the third month of the 105th year since a nation was publicly recognised<br/>
It's the twenty-third day of my challenge to eat vegetarian for forty days.
<br />
I went to a gathering where people talked about Christianity. At the end, I wondered, aloud, what kind of person
G!D is. I said in the group discussion that I can't open my heart easily to Him, and told those people in the small group
that I am of the kind who are more suspicious. Afterwards, a <strike>woman</strike> person in the group came up to me
and said that she sensed yearning and a lot of resistance in me. She also showed me a quote by Joseph Campbell, which
went: 'the greatest treasures are in the caves that you fear most to tread'. She asked me how I was feeling. I told her
I felt thankful for the opportunity for discussion. I don't think that covered the depth of my feelings.
I am angry. I feel anger towards G!D. Where was He when I was hurt, upset or forced to do things [under oppression]?
How can the people at the discussion talk about G!D's plan for me, when He feels distant?
I feel naked. I feel like the outcast of the group in a reality show [on television], unable and unwilling to join the
group in their comfort, solidarity, trust and security in the group. I feel left out. I feel lonely. Most of all, I
feel afraid. I feel afraid to trust again in someone, something or G!D himself. I feel very vulnerable.
I went to a <strike>psychiatric</strike> mental-health institution to seek help, attention and resolution. I expected
liberty, but I experienced coercion and oppression [even when I was finite in resources and energy, that is,
more precisely, needy, as in one of the needy or poor]. I learnt that I could not leave the ward at Acme Institute,
even if I wanted. [the name of the institute is masked, or anonymised - Jesus said: 'Be merciful, as your Master, who bought you for a price,
is merciful]. I learnt that the doctor, people who spent time with me previously (who said, "I am your father" and
"I am your mother"), and the social worker decided where and when I would stay and/or leave the ward [in the sense that
their approval, or authorisation, or their company, was required, for those to happen, as I had observed]. I was
pressured into taking <strike>medication</strike> by nurses, despite my
wishes to not consume them;
I was threatened with an indefinite incarceration in the hospital.
although i wanted to leave, I could not. how can people
say G!D has s plan for me when G!D feels so
far away as I went through that?
<i>from the writer: as the Quran says, even the prophets
and the fellow who were with them, cried out,
'our Lord 1 where are you / verily, verily, the mercy of g1d is near 1'
</i>
Can somebody tell me that was G1D's plan for <strike>me
</strike>
sure?
the remark that gave me the greatest emotional impact
was that G!D loved me unconditionally.
<strike>
It felt like a hand
</strike>
<i>from the writer: 'wipe the tears from your eyes. be dismayed
no more. For I, the LORD G!D, have struck
you in anger, for your sins were flagrant,
but you- you- I will have compassion
on you. You belong to Me, O Israel,
though I have scattered you into
distant lands and nations, and you
were stricken. You belong to Me,
and you will be with Me for-ever. <br/><br/>
Praise be to G!D. I praise You,
for You have shown lovingkindness,
even to a poor spirit, a lowly heart,
a wretch like myself.
<br/>
Burst into song, mountains! <br/>
Tap-dance, trees! <br/>
Glow and flare, o stars! <br/>
For the LORD G!D hath redeemed for Himself
a daughter, a son, a nation, a city!' <br/><br/>
(what? would you rather G!D take angels for
daughters, and cherubims for sons?)<br/><br/>
Praise be to G!D (thank you, Daddy)
<br/>
Wipe your tears from your eyes.
Do not be dismayed. <br/>
Gardens of bliss, under which rivers
flow, spouses delighting in each other,
the objective of life, the felicity most high,
absolute beauty, supreme over all other felicity,
for the good pleasure of G!D, the Cherisher
and Sustainer of the Worlds. <br/>
Thou art my shepherd;
I shall not want. <br/>
I know no other Rock.
There is none like You.
I know no other Stone.
I know no other G!D. <br/>
Blessed is He who hath given rest to His
people. May all nations come to know
that our Lord is G!D, and that there
is no other G!D other than He, and that
G!D is our G!D. To G!D be to the glory
for-ever and ever. Amen. (so it is). <br/>
</i>
<strike>It felt like a hand, gently being placed against my
heart.</strike>
It felt like a piece of cloth being thrown against
my face. 'You don't have to earn that love,' that person
said. What if that was true? How can I trust G!D
not to hurt me? How can I trust G!D to not leave
me on my own? How can someone say, 'If you believe in
G!D, you will go through suffering' so matter-of-factly?
I don't want.
Why does G!D make me suffer? If He is there, why does
G!D allow people to suffer? Very briefly, I also
wonder how we can end suffering, G!D or not.
G!D. what will You do with me if I open my heart
to you?
Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
looking for them?
<i>
from the writer: 'I, the LORD G!D, have forgotten
your sins, and remember them no more.
as I said in the days of Noah after
the flood, I will not again cause
another world-destroying flood.' <br/>
"I promise
I will never stop doing good to her, and remind
her to fear me, and keep my commandment," saith
G!D, the Lord of lords, and King of kings.
<br/>
(O LORD, our Father, you are the potter, we
are the clay; we are all the work of Your hands)
<br/>
I will never tire of praising G!D<br/>
I praise You, oh LORD, for I am fearfully
and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful;
that I know full well.
</i> <br/>
<br/>
[Who gave me food, shelter and clothes when I was
looking for them?]
I needed those. Is it G!D? Is G!D there?
What does G!D do to people? I felt resentful towards G!D;
I'm not sure if I still do.
<i>from the writer: the end of a thing is as powerful
as its beginning. and the patient in spirit is superior
to the proud in spirit. (as written in Scripture)
<br/> I love you, G!D.<br/>
G!D hath no begotten son,
and has no beings attached. (as written in Scripture
that some call "Quran")
I
</i>
</p>
</body>